…stop reading ageist lists!
The twenties are the most complex, disoriented decade. On the one hand, you are told that this is the time to make your mistakes.
- Go on lots of bad dates
- Kiss a couple of frogs
- Get fired
- Drink alcohol all week
- There’s a party over there and a party over here (S Club will show you how!).
But wait, this is also the time to be responsible.
- Move out and buy your own place
- Get married and have kids
- Earn a considerable amount
- Have a stable and successful career
Let’s not forget:
- Travel the world
- Eat at a Michelin star restaurant
- Learn a couple of languages
- Study and work abroad.
Simple really!
With the millennial generation, we are known to be a group which truly reaches for the stars. In spring this year, Merrill Edge reported that “63% of millenials desire financial freedom vs. retiring”.
The digital world has opened up our sheltered eyes and unveiled an endless pursuit of possibilities. We no longer want to have our own office; we want to run an office and in fact we want to travel for work and have our names as brands.
It seems success is earned younger and younger. Mark Zuckerberg created Facebook in his twenties; Huda Kattan launched her eyelashes in 2013 (in her late twenties) and ‘Zoella’ has a few years to go before she reaches 30.
We rarely read about the entrepreneurs who achieved greatness much later. That in itself puts mounds of pressure on the rest of us, who are trying to endeavour our own toes in this online river.
When I read these lists – what to do before your 30’s etc , I feel my anxiety stirring. I do not want to read about my shortages, yet on the contrary, I want to know where I stand. I find it perpetually frustrating when I hear my talented, driven friends, inform me that they are failures – unmarried and in their thirties.
What a breakthrough Sex in the City was, to have older women not all settled down. Yes they still had urges and yes they wanted different things.
Although I know that I aspire for something that my loved ones do not chase, I continually analyse if I am doing ok. My biggest fear is being stuck on a train; everybody has moved on and are now flying in a plane, where as I am trapped at a station.
At my half-way point, I feel an urge to complete my twenty-something list. I have not really travelled the entire world and I am not yet confident enough to communicate Spanish. I cannot control biology and I may run out of time to selfishly complete my own goals when I have a family back home.
The answer lies in my favourite book.
“Hope focuses on a future where you believe that things will somehow get much better for you. Such a desire though, subtly discounts the present moment of Now, by seeing it only as a stepping stone to another time in the distant future where you may, finally, become happy”.
- Chuck Hillig, Seeds for the Soul.
Instead of over analysing my life away, I should be content appreciating the present. As long as I do what I want right now and work towards my own satisfaction, I have to be confident that in the next five years, I will have left my twenties in the best way possible.
A list is just a list; our own happiness determines our accomplishments.
What do you think of these types of lists? Do you find them helpful to read?
I have to remind myself everyday that I do not have to live up to these very lists you talked about. Why are we so obsessed with comparing and thinking we need to be the same place as our friends, family, or the people on social media? It’s tough and this post is appreciated. Time to print this off and read it when I’m down on myself.
Thank you! I think society puts a tremendous amount of pressure on us to reach certain goals by a certain age. We look to the people around us, to figure out if it is ok that we have not reached everything.
The way I see it now; everyone is unique and we all have our own life plans. How strange and boring would it be, if we all got married at the same age or reach the same position at the same time. As long as you are striving for what you want, I think you are achieving far more than these lists suggest you should.
Thank you for saying that I come across as a cool person :). I do not think you sound judgemental.
I was unsure of my blogging when I first joined but I do prefer it to social-media now. It is more real and open. The communication is also much better – it’s more than a word or two. 🙂
I get what you mean. We can be really hard on ourselves and even if we had completed a reasonable amount, we focus on what we haven’t done.
I think doing what makes you happy is the right thing to do. Happiness is a huge part of success in my eyes. I will check out your blog now. 🙂 x
Future planning is so needed sometimes.
Please do checkout my blog.
Feel free to like,comment and follow.
Namaste
It definitely is. Once you know what you want you should aspire to it. I will have a look at your blog. 🙂
Ahh, we both think alike! Nowadays, people are so preoccupied in chasing their goals and working/studying that people tend to forget to enjoy some time for themselves and actually live life to the fullest. A balance between the two esp in the 20’s is really important. Love this post girl <3
Thank you girl! It really is important! There is just so much pressure to do it all and have it all in your twenties.
I love this so much. Even though I am only 18, I can relate because I feel like society pressured me to grow up faster. You should experience various “firsts” by the time you’re 18. I do have this mental checklist engraved in my mind of things I should do before I hit 20, things I should do in my twenties, if I like it or not. Why? Because people constantly tell me that THIS is the time where I do all of these things and after that time it will be too late. The weighing pressure is starting to drag me down because I feel like I am working towards all of these “goals” because I SHOULD. (“this is what girls your age do”) I am however not so sure if I really want half the things I should want.
I can remember feeling the exact same way when I was 18! I was a ‘late bloomer’ and I felt tremendous pressure to do what my friends were doing. I look back now and wish that I just enjoyed it more.
The problem with this stage is that everyone will divide and pursue different things. For some, their biggest concern is saving up for a mortgage. For others, they want to travel the world or invest heavily into a huge career goal.
There is not really a right or wrong. However much society dictates, you have to work towards what you want. If I have learnt anything from being 18 to now 25, it is that my entire viewpoint has changed. I know it is easier said than done, but do not let pressure bring you down. Do not work towards things you do not want.
I never did the wild drinking holidays and all that and I don’t look back and regret it one bit. Do what makes you happy!
Thank you.
I know! Everytime I think that I have my life together, I come across someone who is doing so much more. But I guess in reality, the world would be crazy if everyone achieved the same thing at the same time.
The main focus should be our own happiness right now and working on our own goals.
I suppose this links to the whole concept of the woman who can do it all. There has been a debate going on since forever now, about if you can do both and do it all successfully.
I think we live in a really competitive society and we put such high expectations on ourselves. I think what SATC shows, is that women can choose any path – they can be married, have kids, a career etc,, and still not have it all together. Nobody ever can and these lists that us what to do, almost try to conform everyone to be the same and think that we should all aspire to what everyone else has.
Thank you girl! xxxxx
I think at any age you can suddenly want a change or go of course and do something else. These lists can be really silly. I saw one that said things like – go for a picnic on the beach, go on a hike with your friends. We should be able to choose what things in life we want to do right!
Thank you!!!
Just make 30. If you do you will realize not everyone does and give yourself a pat on the nack. The world may appear nice and positive… though it can be dangerous and unfair. Be grateful and protect others… especially those weak or afraid
I think it is ok to make your own personal list and I think that is really helpful. But when there is a random list and someone tells you to do it all, that’s when I think there is too much pressure.
The world can certainly be unfair. I will stay focused on my own goals. 🙂
Good work. I know when I did I breathed. I didn’t think I would make it. My brother was killed. So was my best mate. I went around the world to find myself. I take my hat off to anyone who makes it. I respect every person older than me each decade they make.
Mitakuye Oyasin.
Have a wonderful day and birthday
I am sorry to hear about your brother and best mate. It is good that writing your list helped and I respect people older as well. Life can be full of such difficulty. I hope you have a wonderful day as well.
Great post! It can get very confusing if you look at the lists …your last para sums it all very well. Do what’s required and joyful of the present and keep going, is what works perfectly.
Thank you! I am just going to avoid the lists now! I saw one recently and started panicking and then I thought – why? As you said, we have to just keep going and do what is required right now.
You are very welcome.
Yes, it is very important to plan for the future as well !
It is and I think we should all work to our own goals and not compare ourselves to what others are doing.
It depends what success means to you: if it means being famous or just reaching and working towards your full potential! In my opinion, if a person is doing everything they can to achieve there dreams, then they are already successful in my opinion! I hope that made sense haha!
As for these types of lists, I rarely ever read them as they do overwhelm me!
Haha I understood! Most people want to reach their full potential and if you are doing everything, you are definitely successful on some level. How many can go to bed at night and know that they utilised their day entirely?
I am avoiding the lists now too! x
It’s a time to take responsibility of one’s life and plan for tomorrow
I agree that people can read and take responsibility for where they are at, but I also think that everyone has their own goals and when you read a list telling you what to do, it can put pressure on you to conform.