Reader Interactions


  1. Melina Elisa says

    I honestly never felt like I had this problem. I live in an extremely diverse area of the United States. While I passed for Portuguese (white), and always caught everyone off guard when I told them that not only was I Hispanic, but I was of Dominican descent. “yes, I am Dominican.” “yes, both are my parents were born and raised there.” “yes, I speak Spanish”. It’s quite frustrating to see the least.
    While I’ve dated people that all look very different, I have noticed that there are certain features that tend to lure me in more than others, and I gravitate towards them without me even noticing. While my preferences in what I like my men to look like, I have typically dated, caramel skinned toned Hispanics with dark hair and dark eyes. It seems to be what I like! I didn’t even notice, which is funny.
    You know what’s crazy, when I went to Brussels, people asked me where I was from because I looked so “exotic”. I have never heard myself described as that in my entire life. I was honestly quite baffled. I mean I guess I didn’t look like I was of German/Belgian descent, but still! Great post Laura, really got me thinking! xx

    Melina |

    • LauraJ says

      I just have to say, I’m jealous you speak Spanish! It’s a language I’ve always wanted to learn, and it always annoyed me that I was forced to learn French in school.
      Despite how diverse the world is becoming, people still can’t get their heads around the idea of mixed-race. I think people are so use to looking at someone and immediately assuming their background, that they can’t help but ask when someone looks ‘different’.
      I think it’s natural to go for a particular type. I genuinelly don’t think I have one though. According to my friends, I never go for looks – their way of saying my exes aren’t attractive. xx

        • LauraJ says

          That’s true! I know some basic Spanish at least and I can sing the chorus of Amor Prohibido 🙂 It’s baby steps right! xx

      • Melina Elisa says

        Ps: if it makes you feel better my friends always said that I could go for someone much better looking, cause while i’m “upgrading” every time i date someone new, i could still do better . I supposed it’s cause my confidence keeps increasing that I’m getting better looking guys? Idk

        • LauraJ says

          I’ve just never gone for typically attractive men. I’m not really sure wny. I usually fall for the guy’s personality and then start to find them attractive. xx

          • Melina Elisa says

            lmfaoo, my first serious boyfriend was pretty unattractive, he was a bit charming, because of his personality, but definitely not someone who I would call attractive in the slightest. After he fucked me over, it was crazy how ugly I really saw he was!

          • LauraJ says

            Good riddance to him! I guarentee he will look back one day and think, how did I let a hot girl go? Especially when I’m this ugly lol x

          • Melina Elisa says

            lmfaoo, I’m totally glad we’re not together, he started dating someone much younger, got married, and accidentally got her pregnant! Gotta say I’m glad it’s not me ! x

  2. Damy Mojitodka says

    very interesting post
    Honestly I always envvy families with mixed race parents… in my opinion could only became an advantage for their sons/daughter of being more open mind beside already “home trained” in more than a language 🙂
    I could also sum what people call “problem” as a square view of humanity. As example, huge parts of America were UK colony and then became one of the leading country of the planet.
    Real question is … what are people afraid of?? 🙂

    • LauraJ says

      I unfortunately only speak English. I think it really depends where a person is brought up. As my mum moved to England quite young, she doesn’t really connect with her South American side.
      I think a lot of racism does spring up from fear. It’s a shame that colour is viewed so differently. Thank you for reading 🙂

  3. Lise says

    Race fetishism is gross, especially when they just say “i want an exotic girl”.. as if they’re talking about some kind of animal. I don’t know if I’ve experienced like a race fetishism, but I have talked to some guys who have been like “Oh you’re from Norway? No wonder you’re pretty, I love all Norwegian girls.” and then they go on about how the stereotypical blonde hair and blue eyes is their favorite look.. Meanwhile I have jet black hair and gray, pale eyes. Couldn’t be further from what they like so I guess it was just based on where I’m from. Either way, it’s awful to fetishize someone’s ethnicity, especially because no one can choose where they’re from or what they look like.

    • LauraJ says

      I don’t know the correct term, but there is fetishism for women from a particular country. I hear people go on about blue eyes and blonde hair in Sweden as well. I bet half the time, the people who go on about wanting an exotic girl from a certain place, haven’t even been to that country.
      It is disgusting, and I think the porn industry and Hollywood really plays on stereotypes. It’s kind of hidden racism that’s acceptable in society.

  4. hoiyinli says

    BIG FAT YES to your question. Where do I begin?

    Well, I guess I’ll start with the fetishism. I’ve had a fair few complete strangers ask me out out of nowhere. I like to think I’m quite intuitive and instantly I knew I was being selected because of my race/colour. It wasn’t because I had an interesting personality and they wanted to know me better – no it couldn’t have been because we had barely ever encountered before. It pains me to say but some of these guys have no pride – they’re so desperate. And it’s not as if I think so highly of myself or anything but it’s an instant turn-off if all I am for someone is an “Asian fantasy”.

    Funny story – one guy added me on Facebook years back. I was 18/19 at the time, so still really young and naive. I thought nothing of it and added him back since we had some mutual friends. (Lesson learnt there…never do that.) He almost instantly started chatting to me and the most awkward thing was that he turned out to be an ex of my classmate at the time, and I just so happened to have caught his eye cos of my race. He persistently asked me out online. It was pretty obvious on his profile that he had an Asian fetish – I’ll just leave it at that but yeah, not a great experience.

    As for the race question…I don’t mind people asking about my race but it’s the ignorance and assumption that people have of it. Oh and that question, “where are you from?…no, where are you REALLY from?” bugs me.

    • LauraJ says

      This is a topic I have wanted to talk about for ages, but never knew how to address.
      I’m so with you on the assumptions. I don’t mind people asking the general questions, because it’s usually curiosity that makes people wonder. But when they say…where are you actually from, or why don’t you visit your other country? Do you not care about knowing who you are etc, I’m thinking, that’s quite a heavy conversation to have.
      The fetish thing is so annoying. It’s really celebrated in Hollywood and the porn industry. And it’s funny because sometimes, a guy will go for you specifically for your background, or they will be turned off immediately. Because hidden racism is still so high in society.
      When I was dating a guy from Zambia, I remember other men saying like oh he scored a mixed-race girl.
      Shame about the Facebook guy, but at least you realised quickly and didn’t end up meeting or anything!

      • hoiyinli says

        Ha, me and Facebook guy actually had about 3 mutual friends! He was pretty good friends with one of the guys from my then-workplace at the time as well as best friends with a classmate from high school. I actually asked my high school mate about him (not cos I was interested but to give the benefit of the doubt) but eh, I always think it’s different for guys than it is for girls, y’know? Anyways, one time at work I had to hear from someone else that apparently FB guy had told his friend that we were going out/seeing each other which really was not the case. I remember one time after work, I saw him outside and although I think it was probably to hang out with his friend who worked on the floor below me, I couldn’t have walked faster to avoid any point of contact – I was just that freaked out. I even confronted my then-classmate about him (her ex) and even she said he essentially came on too strong and I fully agree with that . Obviously he had a different story.

        • LauraJ says

          I find it weird that people feel boldy enough to declare that they are with someone, when that’s not been discussed! I could never do it lol.
          At least that guy is a thing of the past. Some guys like to make up stories, but I just think – let them get on with it. People will know soon enough, that their reality is warped.

  5. beyo11 says

    It is always so damn interesting to have a story as answer to where you from, right? I always believe the mixed cultural backgrounds , if enriched by the person, leads to a rather admirable personality !!

    • LauraJ says

      I’ve never thought about personality before being linked directly to background. Discussing my background has come in handy when answering…tell me a bit about yourself questions. Sometimes I can never think of anything else to say!