Watching Sex and the City, I realise how much the dating world has changed. I’m longing to feel excitement waiting for a phone call; the anticipation once felt when you had to wait an entire week for a glimpse of your date. This is 2018 – we are constantly in each others lives. We’re like spies with no cover, which makes it all the more okay to stalk before a first date.
Background research is good for protection
I’m not just referring to our own safety. We have precious time to protect. A quick social-media check can verify whether a person’s dating profile adds up. I guess with our hidden editing and Photoshop skills, we as a society are less trusting. People are more confident online; it’s easy to create a character, edit an age or a job description.
We know so much of the online world is unreal. But maybe if we have a dating profile and then a social-media profile for back-up, we can breathe more easy. This isn’t predominantly about looks. Although, physical attraction is a real thing and there’s no shame in wanting to see the physical truth.
Your date might already have a partner
A prime example which happened to me. A photographer asked me out on a date, and having recently become single and in a state of misery, I thought – why not? He wasn’t my exact type and the chemistry was a little sour, but I didn’t have much to lose.
We started to mix into the pre-date texting phase. This is where you suddenly have bouts of time to send silly messages back-and-forth, all the while practising your flirtation game. My suspicions grew when he offered to drive over an hour away for our first date. He used a photography excuse – we could shoot photographs in this lovely location.
As a writer who loves to research, I had to get on my detective badge and do some digging. Preparing myself to dig like an eighth dwarf (off to work we go), I was taken aback and dumbfounded to realise I was already sat on a pot of gold. His own social-media work page, had a photo of a baby, with a link to a woman. When I clicked, it was glaringly obvious this woman was his wife, and the baby was his.
I didn’t want to give him satisfaction thinking I was upset by any of this, so I tried to give some sort of pay-back. I upped my flirting game by pretending I wanted him more than ever. We set a date to meet, and then I dropped him at the last-minute, letting him know I struggled to find him sexy or attractive. This was finalised by a block.
Another occasion, a handsome, popular social-media guy began chatting to me through Twitter. He played the role of a single, lonely New Yorker, unable to find a nice girl to date. I’ve never been to New York, though I’m confident there’s plentiful women. And I was right. He blocked me when he uploaded a photo of his wedding.
The downsides to choosing to stalk before a first date
As Cosmopolitan discussed, if you opt to stalk before a first date, you may go too far. Going full CIA on a potential partner, means you have criminal evidence. Criminal as in, incredibly awkward and embarrassing. How do you cover up accidentally admitting you know their mother’s name or where they grew up? When they start opening up about their lives, how strange would it be if you already knew the information. You would have to spend the date lying and playing dumb.
Secondly, as pointed out by Glamour, stalking can ruin romance. We have too much choice; our local community has transcended from a river to an ocean. Do we really want to go round people’s profiles and begin judging and comparing them?
Imagine someone ghosting you because they came across a bad photo of you drunk from five years ago? What if you gave up on a person because your pickiness got in the way? For all you know, that person is your ideal partner, and your online assumptions of them will ruin your fantastic opportunity to fall in love.
How to stalk correctly
I think there’s a fine line to tread. A quick 5 minute scroll is enough to provide answers. Flicking through every photo album or locating their work and friends, is setting your first date on the wrong foot. You might find information you like or information you don’t. Either way, it’s probably a wrong misinterpretation. As social-media is not an ideal platform to source genuine facts. It’s merely a helpful reinforcement.
You want to find out about your date with fresh eyes and a curious mind. It’s the best part about falling for someone. Additionally, you have to consider whether you find it acceptable for someone else to stalk before a first date. I wouldn’t mind a guy scouring my blog pre-meeting, as it’s an accurate portrayal of who I am. It’s incredibly sensitive and full of open insights, however – it’s based on the truth of me. My social-media meanwhile, that I wouldn’t prefer. Who knows what theories could be conjured.
Do you stalk before a first date? Where do you draw a line, or do you stalk with no boundaries? Do you believe it ruins the romance, and would you prefer to date in the old-fashioned way of phone calls and no texting? I would love to read your opinions on this!
I have to mention, I’ve come across one of my first blog posts which was about my first date disasters. It needed some editing, but I’ve had a laugh reading, and funnily enough, I wrote the same thing about stalking on there. If you fancy reading, click: My First Date Disasters
Cute post girl and yes, def should always do some research before the first date! Gonna go back through your post before I go on my first date haha 🙂
Thank you! I really think research can save time in the long-run 🙂
Thank you! I have to do a little stalking, but I agree that it’s nice to learn about them in person. If you know too much, it can ruin the romance. x
I think modern society is made to encourage people to lie. It’s like, here’s your editing tools, here’s your password protected phone and computer. Why don’t you set up a few accounts and use one to cheat?
On another note, I’ve always found it weird people who create fan accounts and then spend all day defending a celebrity and going on rants. I always wonder – who are these people?!
Very true….
And I wonder the same 🙂
I use to look up people I use to know, out of curiosity, but now I don’t because it doesn’t really faze me anymore what anyone else is up to. But yes catfish – a prime example of why research is good for protection!
I actually met up with a guy last year from Instagram and he was nothing as I imagined. So sometimes social-media fails haha!
If I was single now I would definitely do some pre-date stalking. Usually when I’m going for an interview or before meeting anyone for the first time I do a little cheeky stalk on social media. It’s pretty bad but I really can’t help myself having a little nose. Think can put you to ease knowing a bit more about someone before you meet them!xx
I think it’s such a normal thing to do. I definitely try to suss out what the person looks like who is interviewing me lol. I don’t know why. It’s like I think I can win them over if I know what they look like prior! xx
Me too ahahaha, i’m not sure what it is I think i’m going to accomplish but it never stops me!xx
Sometimes I look to see if the person looks nice or evil haha. And also, you can read on LinkedIn what their accomplishments are, so then you can try and match it. Likes yes, I also care deeply about being organised lol. xx
Lovely post Laura…you put a smile on my face ….coming to article, I don’t do the social media thing so just a few emails back and forth, a phone call or two, then meet, if I don’t like you in person, then I am not going to spend any extra time or effort on you….moving on… Lol
That’s how it should be! Sometimes people go on dates and they know deep down that there’s no chemistry or real connection, but they try to make it work/ I’m like you – move on – no extra effort. x
Like spies, good one Laura
Thank you 🙂
You are welcome Laura
What a lovely post! I enjoy reading your content because it always makes me feel like a deep girls’ conversation. I used to stalk people before a first date but not excessively and if I couldn’t find them on social media that wasn’t a reason to cancel the date. The only thing I always cared about was whether they had at least three pictures on any platform or sent to me because I didn’t want to end up in a super bad situation with a pedophile or something.
Sometimes it just helps to wait for the first date and see how that goes. It says a lot more about a person than their social media xx
Thank you! That’s what I want with my posts. Hopefully to create deep conversation or thought.
Yes it’s nice to see images. I don’t like guys obsessed with social-media, but it is nice to see a few images to back-up that they are genuine. Thank you for your comment! xx
This post was quite entertaining to read. I love doing a lil bit of cyber stalking before meeting someone, especially if I don’t know much about them. The guy I’m currently talking to actually doesn’t have any social media other than snapchat which is quite refreshing, because for whatever reason I quite like a boy who isn’t so in social media? Great post Laura 🙂 xx
Melina | http://www.melinaelisa.com
Yeah I don’t like guys who are really into social-media. Even though I use so much of it myself. But if they just have a LinkedIn profile or just something that further backs up their dating profile.
Thank you for reading girl xx
Had a smile as I read your post 🙂 I enjoy reading all kinds of topics from you that I rarely read otherwise.
Thank you! A lot of the topics I write about, are things that I wish I could read. I keep trying to push myself to find interesting ideas. 🙂
My pleasure 🙂
I probably should do more pre-date research but I really enjoy going into dates completely blind and getting to know the person when I’m there. I have to admit, I have a tendency to judge guys’ social medias so it’s probably not a great idea for me to see them beforehand LOL!xx
Lol I understand! Social-media can really change your opinion on someone and it is nice going into dates blind, but I guess I over-worry as I’ve heard too many bad stories. xx