A cobbled street with old architecture; a vegan café serving the crispiest of croissants. Me with a walk-in wardrobe and an apartment overlooking a spectacular view. A career in writing which makes Carrie Bradshaw jealous, and friends who continually wish to see me on a weekly basis. My ideal life surrounded in beauty, from the 5* destinations abroad, to the streets my home overlooks. There’s just one problem – will these dreams ever make me happy?
Despite wanting children and hoping for a romantic partner, my true dreams don’t place emphasis on family. I sometimes ponder, but I can’t picture my wedding or me running around with a baby.
Are our life dreams actually true?
Ask a typical stranger what the ideal life is, and they’ll state wealth, happiness, love and maybe a CEO career. Within those categories, you’ll often find what a person envisions for their future.
Sometimes, ambitions are based upon a need to prove others wrong, or even a childhood set-back. Perhaps a person grew up without lavish things, and now they crave expensive items. Maybe they were told they could never be famous; the hunger to prove doubters wrong has inspired them to desire stardom.
Regardless of how these blasé goals form, these type of life dreams are unrealistic – and not because they have a low chance of becoming true.
Can life goals make us happy?
Psychology Today, wrote a piece on the different types of beliefs and economics regarding happiness, placing emphasis on Buddhism. While society strongly promotes the concept of man-made oriented living – materialistic wealth, Buddhism believes happiness is about attaining true freedom. Instead of waking up and picturing an Armani handbag, it’s about waking up and feeling gratitude and finding joy in the world around you.
Which my favourite book: Seeds for the Soul also discusses. A section in the book mentions if you can’t find happiness where you are, you can’t find it anywhere. Our thoughts may cover up and act as excuses, because heck – if we lived a lavish lifestyle, how could we not be satisfied?
These life goals are unrealistic, because they are too simple and uncomplicated. How do we know they will fulfil us? Is our ideal life carefully planned out? Are we naïve enough to assume once our money problems are gone or are love woes are behind us, ever-lasting happiness will play out?
The recipe for the ideal life
I once wrote I wanted to live as a successful author. I wanted a wide collection of best-selling books in my name, sold in all parts of the world. Why would I want that, when I love writing short-form, blog-style posts? Why would I want an entire collection of books?
I think the trick to truly dissecting our plans, is to drum-out the noise of other people’s aims. We as humans are like sponges who flock towards similarity. We go on social-media and see red lipstick everywhere – now we want red lipstick. You may have never conjured up fantasies of back-packing across the globe until your favourite influencer chose to – now it’s all you can imagine.
When you sit and contemplate life in the next 10, 20 years, you have to get specific. How can you really want, what you don’t know you really want?
An apartment on a cobbled street is absolutely pointless, if I can’t select the area this cobbled street will be on. If your dreams are not tangible enough for you to believe you can realistically achieve them, it’s wise to rethink them.
Specify and categorise
A piece on Mind Body Green advises to divide your ideal life into categories. You can then measure up how far away you are from your career, friendship, family, fitness and money goals etc. When you divide goals, it’s easier to break-down how to take meaningful steps.
More importantly, the ideal life is one that needs specifying. I’m talking, actions so specific, you will have no reason to not begin your ideal life strategy.
As an example, a full-time blogger is not note-worthy. A full-time blogger specialising in helping others to reach their career potential is better; a full-time blogger specialising in helping others to reach their career potential, writing posts on various techniques, using psychology research and designing a social-media structure to add an extra 500 viewers a month, is stronger still.
If that was your aim, from there you can break-down your social-media structure. You can take each individual social platform and dedicate a couple of hours on a Sunday to looking at area to improve and what your competitors are doing.
The ideal life – why I’m dreaming wrong
This article has made me much more aware of my laziness. My inability to put my mind into accomplishment. My ideal life will never be ideal, if I don’t take a seat back and figure out why I have the dreams I have, and what can I do today to help live them?
In one sentence, how would you describe your ideal life? And if you could change one area of your life now, what would you change?
Been reading your blog for almost two months and I honestly so enjoyed your articles! Keep it up and thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts and experiences!
Thank you so much! Let me know if there is a specific topic you want me to blog about 🙂
Awesome post! People work towards a life with lots of money and CEO career, a huge house and all that, that they forget that happiness is within themselves. We have every technology now but we still aren’t happy. For me happiness, is being healthy,spending time with the people I love, and working on my passions and I believe that is what people should be really focusing on 🙂
Thank you girl!! I think you have a perfect definition on what it means to be happy! As they say, health is wealth. Money and a career can add to happiness, but I struggle to believe it can create it from scratch. x
This is all so very true! Happiness comes from within and sometimes we all forget this. Lovely post and a very engaging read!
Thank you for reading and commentating! It’s super easy to forget this point, and it’s a shame because it’s one of the most important.
Yes, it is the most important you’re right! Love your blog I will definitely be reading more
Thank you! I try to click on your blog and it came up with an error message, so I will try again later 🙂
Aw I will have to have a look into it, still setting everything up! Thank you ☺️
I actually have a post scheduled for tomorrow, where you stated a few things that I’ve come to the same conclusion to as well. Comparing ourselves to others, is so toxic. It’s easier than ever to keep tabs on everyone, which in a lot of ways is not so good. I’ve been keeping who I’m following on social media to a minimum. While I like looking at things that I think will motivate me, I have to consciously remember not to compare my life to theirs. I think, like you said, when you stop comparing yourself to others and doing things for the sake of others, you will find true happiness. Great post Laura ! xx
Melina | http://www.melinaelisa.com
I’m going to look out for this post!! Thank you girl for your comments. I edited an old post of mine today from last year in March, and I saw your comment and just thought wow – we’ve been talking for over a year! How quick time has gone.
I think most people now have a social-media life and then a real life. In real life, I don’t take selfies and I don’t spend 24/7 speaking positive. But on a snapshot on Instagram, I look like a 24/7 enthusiastic lol. And I try to remember others will be the same. xx
Exactly this! We definitely have to remember that! I definitely try to show the best sides of me online!
Holy Moley, Laura, you have been on fire with all these posts ! Absolutely love this post❤.
All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them☺.
You are the sweestest! Seriously, that’s the best compliment!! I don’t know if that belief makes us dreamers or not, but I believe dreams and reality can always connect 🙂 x
Such a great thought! Loved reading this post!
Xoxo Babita
http://travelhues.com
Thank you! 🙂 x
Thank you girl! Yes, I find people can treat dreamers and realists so differently. And there is this desire from some, to persuade anyone who has big dreams, to think more realistically.
I agree – if we go towards what we want, we can make it happen. Thank you for your lovely comments! xx
I understand what you mean. I think people can focus too much on the ideal life being one that’s perfect – which is just unrealistic. There will always be problems regardless of how great someone’s life may seem.
Thank you for reading! x
I absolutely love this post! Will have to check out the article you mentioned. I too have these goals set for myself that fit to the future I imagine myself to have, one I want to have. The thing about being young is that I feel like sometimes you’re given a free-pass. It has its benefits but I have found that “oh go ahead honey, waste the first half of your life by doing NOTHING remarkable or noteworthy at all” actually harmed me more than it did me good. I was like “okay will do, I still have time, I’ll just do it later”. ‘Later’, as in not in the foreseeable future. I wasted so much time! And though I’m still young, it kind of bothers me that I didn’t apply to that internship I really liked the sound of, that I didn’t do that online course I always wanted to do. It’s about those little things that can go a long way. I want my life to be meaningful and I want to be successful. I am doing a semester abroad from September onwards and I think that was the first time that I actively pushed myself to do something with my ideal future (career) in mind. It feels good knowing that I am doing this for myself and that it will help me grow as a person and learn new things that I can later benefit from.
I also love what you wrote about breaking goals down into bite-size pieces to reevaluate them and heighten your motivation by noticing your progression continuously (even though through baby steps) rather than see it all at the end. As always, you write so well about the things that matter! Really reflective and thought-provoking post, I enjoyed reading this (and thinking about what you wrote and how it applied to my own life after) a lot! xx
Thank you!! I hate how young people are pressured to both do it all because they are young, and then also told to just live and not worry because again – they are young.
I think it’s fantastic that you have chosen to do a semester abroad. I’ve always said I would love to live abroad for at least a year. I think it can give the best life experience.
I’m nearly 26, and I’m realising that just because I’m not near my early twenties, it doesn’t mean I can’t change my career or do more studying etc. I don’t believe in society’s pressure that once you hit 30, you’re suppose to have everything figured out.
I really appreciate you reading and leaving this reply!! xx