I snuck a copy of my sister’s borrowed book on dating rules women should abide by to my room. I analysed the pages like a child pressing the paper of a wrapped-up Christmas present. Did this book hold the key to everlasting love, or was it a bad sales pitch to further control women on how to behave? Is relationship advice ever worth listening to?
My ghosting past
My friends told me not to text. I felt like a scolded dog moping towards its owner, as I confessed my singledom sin. Not only did I text, I texted twice. My name spread over my WhatsApp screen; my words swallowed his pitiful responses. Days went by; months blossomed from winter to spring. He vanished from my hurtful memory, until a casual message appeared.
‘Aha’ I thought. This guy has me in some optional box. He’s looking for boastful compliments and admiration. My embarrassing ‘what to do when a guy ghosts’ Google search inspired me, and I proceeded to respond back to him, with the careless grace of a lost feather.
The thing with modern dating – Sex and the City has no clue. We’re in a digital age without manuscripts on how to act as digital beings. We’re not programmed to consider ourselves as a mere potential or a bad swipe. In the rat race to cheap sex and quick love, is our judgement still enough?
One’s sadness is another’s comfort
We always say we give the perfect relationship advice, though we choose to not take it ourselves. Romance is a chemical imbalance sparking at our senses. Even the most organised and rational human, will fail to not let their heart dictate their frazzled head. Despite this knowledge, I’m a gushy fool who spiritedly prances to fairy-tale, ever-lasting love notions.
I crave old-school manners; I delight in a man who holds the door open and helps me get out of a black cab, without me soberly ducking and clutching to the vehicle incase I trip. When I pictured my future husband, I imagined a handsome guy who visits all kinds of places with me by their side. I didn’t quite envision a relationship with a man so busy, he can barely find enough time to sit down after work, let alone spend time as a couple.
My circumstances are not for everyone. I also believe my partner doesn’t think, react or live like most men do. Him getting on a plane is not a yearly event, it’s a weekly work situation. As you read these words, how many excuses did you believe I made, on a situation I’ve not fully revealed details of?
As women become one half of a couple, we have to try to figure out, how normal our partner is in a world of terrible dating behavior. Trying to decide if our man or woman truly does like us, often leads to excuses to cover any mishap actions. To me however, rather than making up excuses and checking sources to measure our partner’s feelings, we should simply live, learn and follow instinct.
Maybe women are fine, just like men
A quick Google search conveys how easily heterosexual women are targeted and encouraged to change for men. Typing in ‘dating books for women’, I’m led to countless suggestions from ‘What you need to know about the inner lives of men’, to simply ‘The Rules’. With guys on the other hand, there are ‘Top secrets to approaching a woman, seducing her, and taking her on a date or getting her into bed’ and ‘How to date older women’.
Aren’t we just as clueless as one another when it comes to relationship advice? A joyful couple doesn’t mean a knowledgeable dating guru. Whatever your sex, the ultimate conclusion is that relationship advice is about whatever feels good to you. Sometimes, you don’t care about something, till your told you’re suppose to.
Maybe your friends and family are right, or maybe they just don’t understand. Either way, a relationship is between two people, and their thoughts are stronger than all other opinion.
How do you feel about relationship advice? Do you feel you give a lot to friends, or do you like hearing it? I’m curious which side you are on.
I take relationship advice with a grain of salt. I know my closest friends want the best for me when they give me advice, and so I take their advice to heart. In terms of what you find online and in books and magazines, I don’t really listen to it, even though I still get some kind of enjoyment from reading it! I don’t think that relationship advice found in books is real. Most of it is all just a game. Yeah, you’ll find someone, but not someone who’ll genuinely like the real you. Great post Laura xxx
Melina | http://www.melinaelisa.com
I love that you said that. I get enjoyment from random advice on books and magazines as well, even though I read it and don’t really believe in it. Sometimes it’s interesting.
Thank you for reading Melina! xxx
All the best Laura
Thank you Kurian
Because of stereotypical gender relationship roles, I always joke that I am the man. I want my man to have a life, and I abhor when I get a gazillion text messages a day. I don’t need to see him every single day and I cherish my space. Because of all of this, I legit hate dating advice books of any kind. What men see as “games” because these books promote them, is just me having a life, and wanting them to as well. That said, I still want a man who is romantic and chivalrous. but at the same time none of my expectations are mutually exclusive.
As always you have given great food for thought 🙂 <3
Thank you for reading girl! This is a lovely point. There’s this assumption that women are the ones who always want to talk more or text all the time.
It’s an annoying steoreotype for those who don’t, and also the fact that some men can over communicate. Like really over communicate! x
Dating has changed so much in the last decade it’s crazy. Times change though pretty soon no one will remember what dating was like before the digital age. I think good advice is good advice if it helps you better yourself. Opinions are great to hear to broaden your views but sometimes a lot isn’t applicable to you particularly situation. Also as you mentioned love does effect your judgement, a lot. Happens to the best of us. Oh the cringeworthy memories…haha Live and learn though right?
I sometimes think how my little sisters will date in another 8 years or so. I imagine they will find it strange to make phone calls or something.
I’ve had some cringeworthy memories! As a teenager, I just thought I’d found the one and that was it. Now I look back and just think, what did we even have in common?!
Thank you for reading Paolo!
I’m glad I’m not the only one who always gets roped into texting a boy when I’m told not to. Dating is so confusing and like trying to get used to ‘rules’ are messing with my head so much! that dress looks amazing btw xx
Thank you!! I hate the rules! Everyone practically has their phone by their side all day, and so it seems silly to wait around for like 3 days whatever, just to message.
I also feel the rules create blame for women. There’s this immediate assumption to think – you texted too much or you were too needy. What about the guy being too relaxed and not making effort?
Everytime something ends with a guy, I naturally assume it’s all my fault, when it’s an equal partnership.
I really appreciate you reading xx
Exactly!! I dont get it at all like if you want to talk to me just make the effort to do it. I constantly feel like I’m too needy or being too clingy just because I’ve sent too many texts, it’s so annoying. I know right? Why is all the blame on us? Always love your posts gal xx
Happy you brought up the digital age. All the old rules have gone out the window. I see people on romantic dates, and they’re each on the phone instead of talking to one another.
As for the rules; they have always favored men. Hopefully, the digital age will help to change things as women better inform themselves. By the way gorgeous dress.
I think it’s such a shame that some people go out to dates and use their phones at dinner. The only exception in my book, is if they are actually checking something together or showing a photo etc.
The rules definitely favour men, minus that men traditionally are expected to pay for the first date etc, and take the time to ‘woo’ a woman. I really don’t like all the dating apps out right now. It feels like romance has become this fleeting thing. Thank you Andrew for reading!
I agree with your reply. My pleasure