I’ve never had a short first date. Dinner has led to drinks and drinks have led to further drinks at another bar. I know it’s wrong. Magazines tell me first dates should equal three hours max. I’m wonderfully terrible at dating. Except when it comes to first date sex. My toes haven’t dipped this cliché sin.
Has Tinder removed the taboo?
Last month the Daily Mail published a piece stating first date sex is no longer taboo. This according to research by dating app Jaumo. The study looking at “30,000 single people in the UK, US, Canada and Germany” discovered “59 per cent of daters” are willing to enjoy intimacy upon an initial meeting.
I remember a time no one admitted to using any type of dating sites. A friend years ago begged me to not reveal she had met her partner online – her night out fable sounded better. People assumed looking for love via the internet was “desperate” and somewhat pathetic. As though they’re sites created for hermits who have an hour to spare each day while their cats take naps. Then came the snobbery between only signing up to websites and not dating apps.
Before Tinder, society portrayed all women as desperate to settle down. Sexless creatures roaming for love and hoping sex raving lunatics (men) could want them for more than their leg opening bodies. SATC Samantha particularly helped break this stereotype, but Tinder has scaled widely the idea both sexes are up for making love, without the love.
Fear of being a slut
A French sex columnist spoke to UK Grazia and said French women don’t have the same fears of being labelled ‘as a slut’ as they don’t have “dating rituals” and “start with sex.” The GQ columnist in France Maïa Mazaurette, argues getting sex out the way means less pressure. You can relax and enjoy the spontaneity. First date sex does have a non-inhibited, sexy appeal. Freedom to express your desires without fear.
I think most women believe first date sex is okay if it feels right. But does that mean, if your date is looking like an incredible snack you want to devour, or is it about having such a great time you can easily see yourself under their sheets? Wherever your imagination is envisioning. In college, the girls who ‘slept around’ silently picked up labels which other men and women used to justify judgement.
There’s this fine line balancing whore and prude. Feminist 2019 still loves labelling women and it’s not too difficult to hear the term slut – mainly on Instagram captions. With that said, I think most women are afraid of a guy seeing them as too easy. Men love a good chase – they’re like dogs hungry to sniff a new bone. Countless books and articles based on studies inform women a man always appreciates conquering what he’s worked hard to get. Give up sex and what’s left to capture?
Your heart, commitment, trust and agreement to a future – no, we don’t read about men fist-pumping in the air after landing relationship aspects.
Why I’ve Said No to First Date Sex
Working in the city and living in the country, my dates routinely schedule themselves in Central London. An extra 20 minutes in the office applying makeup and slipping on a fancy dress, rushing through tube stations attempting to walk eloquently. At some point I’d let my dates know I had to reach my train station at a certain time otherwise I’d be stuck.
This in itself excited many. What if we get her drunk enough to forget? A few instantly suggested I’m welcome to stay around their place until the morning. One man became agitated and annoyed I’d put a timer on our meeting. Another violently made out with me when I was looking for a taxi, whispering he had another idea. Many tempting enough to say yes too. I always found myself waking up at home.
Sparing too many details, I consider myself very sexual and yet I’m traditional and emphasise huge value on who I initiate intimacy with. I know a few guys understand my – I love flirting, embracing my body and willing to kiss without sex attitude – a form of playing hard to get. They expect by the third date I’ll give in. To me it’s based on not wanting to share myself with just anybody. I’m easily persuaded and want every time to become something never regrettable. Even if it doesn’t last.
Benefits of first date sex
In spite of my opinion, Cosmopolitan spoke to experts and sex therapists, concluding “Exploring bedroom compatibility from the start can help you determine whether you want to actually invest in a relationship with this person.” Sex is equally important as conversation – we kind of want both – so why focus solely on one element? Do we just assume sexual chemistry is a given if overall chemistry is there?
Other benefits sourced from the Cosmopolitan editorial include confidence in your sexual esteem and liberation. I will note a dedicated section is there reminding you to put safety first. Summarising on research, first date sex is positively described by feminists because it shames old stereotypes and allows women to adore sex and not feel sinful. People are tiresome of dating rules targeted at women on how to behave to please a man. Sex additionally represents itself in culture as casual. You can order it while eating a pizza.
Has the taboo completely removed itself? Personally no, as many people raised to think a certain way spiral classiness and respect values on the subject. What are your views? Do you believe first date sex is taboo? Are you for or against it becoming a norm?