Reader Interactions


  1. Doug says

    I know very well that no woman would ever “flirt” with me so I don’t look for it nor frankly even dream of it. I have many women friends who seek out and enjoy my company – and yes, we laugh and joke about – but never once has anything non-platonic been remotely hinted at nor distantly interpreted. I have never expressed sexual interest (“flirted”) with any woman no matter how attracted I am to her since from a sexual/romantic perspective I am fundamentally unattractive.

    • LauraJ says

      Hi Doug, if we assume your perspective is true and you are ‘fundamentally unattractive’ — there are a lot of guys who don’t fit society’s mold of attraction but still have success in dating. It sounds like you have low confidence which is likely impacting your ability to pick up flirting cues and flirt yourself. I imagine you have lots of reasons and past experience you have built up to confirm that you are not attractive.

      Have you spoken with your women friends about putting yourself out there or what you can do to increase your chances of having luck flirting?

  2. thelonelyauthorblog says

    This will be a bit of a challenge for me to comment on. I havd never been afraid to be a leader when approaching a woman and inviting her for a cup of coffe, a date. movie, or back to my place. I never waited for signs or my deciphering if she was being nice or a flirt. I usually take most comments or replies from women as they are being nice (unless it is a blatant sexual innuendo.

    With that said, I believe most men are always trying to read signs, even when they are not there. So, that does make it diffcult for a woman to avoid having others think she is not flirting. I guess this will be a chess game that has gone on for ages and probably always will.

    • LauraJ says

      For me, I don’t mind a guy asking if I want a coffee, and then letting me say yes or no without pressure. But it does get annoying when a guy continually tries to flirt or begins to assume I like them without reason. Or in general when I’ve made conversation and it automatically links to dating.
      I also think it’s just awkward with a lot of guys when you turn them down. Some are like ohh am I not good looking enough or are you too picky? I can’t see you being like that though. I imagine you handle it all in a gentleman manner 🙂

      • thelonelyauthorblog says

        Hey, when I get turned down, i simply think she didn’t want to have a coffee with me. I don’t need a reason. we are all adults. I can even accept she just isn’t interested.

        But to be honest. I am one of those guys who truly believes men and women CAN be friends. Lots of guys fail because they can’t accept that fact.

        • LauraJ says

          I 100% agree men and women can be friends. It’s only an issue if one person starts liking the other in a different way. A shame more guys don’t share your views 🙂

  3. Beyoutiful says

    This is so true! When I talk to guys, I always be really careful since some of them think I’m flirting or I like them when really I’m just being nice. I’m just a really nice and friendly girl but some guys think it may be something else. It’s def hard to tell the diff if someone is interested or just being friendly but I always keep a distance with men and try not to be overly friendly. Nice post girl

    • LauraJ says

      Thank you girl! It is really annoying when you’re just being nice and others have to take it the wrong way. Especially if a guy has a girlfriend. I try to relax and be myself without doing anything that could be considered flirting. x

  4. Melina Elisa says

    Wow, this post was so relateable! I really used to struggle with this. I was always a friendly girl. That’s just the truth of it. I would joke around, laugh (if something was funny), and just have conversations with whoever wanted to talk to me. Then the accusations of flirting came about. It kind of made me nervous to talk to people…particularly guys? Like why couldn’t I have a normal conversation with them without worrying about being accused of flirting? I guess being nice is the flirting? I don’t know. Great post though ! xxx

    Melina |

    • LauraJ says

      I’m quite awkward when people first get to meet me, but after a while I make a lot of jokes, use sarcasm etc. And that’s consider flirting. I do think guys just assume any girl giving them time of day must have feelings.
      So some just see being nice as automatic flirting. xxx

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