Listening to a podcast the other day, I heard two men (forgive me for my bad memory) talk about women not wanting emotional men who cry in front of them. They prefer men who listen to their problems. In summary, guys who show affection to their partners without needing comfort themselves. With toxic masculinity being a media focal point – apparently now affecting the environment, do women seek feminine stereotyped males?
How do you define emotional men?
Surprisingly, figuring out the characterisations of emotional men led me baffled and confused as to what it constitutes. According to vocabulary.com, being emotional means “feeling lots of feelings”. Emotions “are all about your heart” while logical – the opposite of emotional, “has more to do with your head”.
Little is written on Google regarding the phrase unless relating to guys overly sensitive. I’ve gathered, people assume emotional men cry repetitively and spend lots of time discussing their state of mind. To me, it’s more about men who express their thoughts and actually understand their reactions. They’re not afraid to acknowledge hurt or anger. You’d think everyone can comprehend thoughts and knows what their feeling.
But people can suppress. Sometimes you see others acting a particular way because they muddle – assuming anger when deep down sadness lays. An emotional man is one who doesn’t run from what they want to express and doesn’t push past feelings with logical responses. They’ll show sadness at a funeral; confess to needing a shoulder to lean on.
Read: Expecations in Dating: Is It Wrong to Want Fairy-tale?
Women complicating emotional men?
Many women say they want sensitive boyfriends – then run towards “bad boys” and conventional, strong types. Take Sex and the City. Mr. Big played the powerful, “manly” love interest who hid away from deep conversation. He was sexy and captivating. Aiden meanwhile, appeared more emotional and less powerful. Carrie struggled to let go of Mr. Big and it was only when he became upset over the breakup of his movie star girlfriend, that she didn’t find him attractive.
Society is changing ideas on what being a man or women means. Take gender neutral clothing – River Island in 2017, created children’s clothing catering to both boys and girls. Elite Singles recently published a study on emotional men and asked whether women “Prefer A Man Who Can Cry?”. Results suggest females overwhelmingly prefer men in touch with their emotions. “16% of men” however, “wrongly believe that women find emotional men less attractive.”
From putting this piece together, I’ve discovered a grey area where no one’s sure what emotional means. Articles tend to emphasise extreme versions like guys who have meltdowns over missing a film at the cinema. Despite studies and females, themselves signifying they want emotional men, there’s still those who fall for emotionally unavailable.
The appeal of men unable to commit
Psychologist Seth Meyers wrote an article on Psychology Today about women attracted to emotionally unavailable men yet clueless as to why. Meyers explains how women who fall for these types “have some profound insecurities and self-esteem issues”. They invest time trying to represent what their partners want, hoping they’ll make the man commit and thus prove their worth. Typically, the man doesn’t change; the woman keeps wishing nonetheless because they can’t accept their pursuit meaningless.
Publication the Good Men Project produced an in-depth piece on guys emotionally unavailable. Writer and life coach Sile Walsh reveals “learned coping strategies” and “fear” often stop some men from building authentic connections. Regardless of how much they love a woman, only a man can change their patterns and confront their underlining issues.
Theoretically, it’s easier to look at another person and notice their flaws. Women interested in emotionally unavailable men waste analysation attempting to figure out their partners. Ignoring their problem as to why they want them. Though biology reasons women desire protectors and providers, upbringing impacts what level of protection they seek. This influences the overall appeal of emotional men.
Moving forward
What’s feminine and what’s masculine has become questionable. Going by statistics, women do want emotional men. However, what that actually means is complex. I conclude, society needs to stop associating emotion as a sign of weakness. We ought to remove labels and understand tears alone don’t box people to expression. Emotion is about awareness as much as it’s about physical action.
How do you feel about emotional men? How do you feel about a guy describing himself as emotional? Why not read: How to Find Love in the City
Love this! I don’t think that being emotional is a sign of weakness whether you are a woman or a man. It allows you to really express yourself and the sensitive side and there is nothing wrong with it. Not sure why society takes it in a negative way. I believe that emotional men are way more attractive since they are sensitive and they are able to understand what a woman goes through. I love guys who are attached, sensitive, and show their emotions rather than men who are cold-hearted and egotisical thinking that it’s a sign of weakness. I have dealt with detached men and they annoy the crap out of me since they are always detached and cold with their feelings. I would want a life partner who is able to show this feelings easily and show me that he cares and loves me instead of me having to question it all the time 🙂 Awesome post girl ❤️
Thank you lovely for taking the time to read and write this comment. To me emotion is a sign of strength. Opening myself up has been one of the hardest things I’ve had to overcome. I just think society and films etc, potray this idea of sensitive as being weak and less powerful. x
Such an interesting topic! Loved this. Emotionally mature men are 9340234% more attractive, I don’t care what anyone says. Being in touch with yourself and sharing your thoughts and feelings? More of that please – being emotional shows maturity, in my opinion. Toxic masculinity is so disgusting and damaging, I pray that the stigma around men being vulnerable and showing their emotions dies out sooner rather than later, all we can do is try to actively change it one step at a time .xx
Thank you Chloe!! Sharing your thoughts and feelings is such a normal thing; it’s crazy how it’s assigned to one gender.
I hate the idea that strong men are guys who bottle everything in. Talking about emotions puts you in a vulnerable place and I think you have to be strong to accept that. xx
I absolutely support men who are in touch with their emotions, and aren’t afraid to let it show.
I think male emotions is mostly associated with showing anger, yelling at people, and punch things, and that’s both sad and horrible. Men need to be taught at a young age that it’s ok to feel more than anger. There’s no shame in it.
That’s true – when men show emotion it’s usually linked to anger and frustration. Or if a guy does cry or feel overwhelmed with happiness, it’s like a comedy thing where they do it as part of a joke. It really is a normal thing to be in touch with emotion.
I don’t know how many times I’ve heard people go “are you gay or what?” because a man is crying… SO frustrating!!
I’ll be glad when toxic masculinity starts to fade.
Oh, me too!! It can’t happen soon enough!
I loved this post! This is such an important topic. I just had a conversation with a friend this week about a guy who is emotionally unavailable and she‘s trying to figure out his feelings for her. I personally like emotional men. Not super emotional but someone aware of his feelings and being able to express them. I want my future husband to cry at our wedding when I walk down the aisle. Maybe I just like men to be super romantic. Thanks for sharing Laura xx
Thank you! I’ve dealt with emotionally unavailable men and it’s usually a losing battle. Especially if they can’t admit they have issues.
I’m not extremely emotional myself and so I’d struggle with a guy who is. But being emotional and aware of feelings is important to me. I wouldn’t want to date a guy who felt he had to keep things inside. xx
As you’ve correctly pointed out, being “emotional” relates to feeling lots of different emotions but with society, they have more or less reduced this to one emotion and that’s crying due to weakness. We fail to recognise as a society that crying can be a result of many things including relief. I believe I talked about crying in work which happened to me a few months ago and you kindly replied, essentially saying that we perform actions based on a feeling so we may not necessarily be crying from sadness for example.
If you are really asking the question, then my response is this: why can’t we as a society accept a mature man who’s just as okay to get in touch with his own emotions as well as others?
I think the problem with society is that everything is put in extremes. Emotional men are usually used in comedy depicting a guy who cries his eyes out hysterically upon seeing his daughter in a wedding dress or watching a romantic film.
But as you’ve said, crying is just one emotion and it’s not just linked to sadness. I asked some people what they thought of emotional men before writing this piece, and they thought it linked to guys who wallow in self-pity or seem sad all the time.
To me, there needs to be more shown and said on everyday guys talking about their feelings and then carrying on with life. All guys in theory should be emotional and aware of how their feeling. That shouldn’t be linked just to women.
You nailed it again and I enjoyed this article! I think what we are looking for is an emotionally mature, aware and sensitive man who understand his own and his partners feelings – or at least is able to attempt to understand. If we take this above gender and any other label about emotional meaning weakness – as you rightly say – then a person can be strong yet caring. Now that is a great combination 🙂
Strong yet caring is a perfect combination! I agree with you and would like a guy who is aware of his feelings and able to understand both them and mine. Which in turn, I’d want to do the same. Thank you for reading! 🙂