Every girl has a conversation with her friends over her relationship status. Whether she’s mostly been in relationships or enjoyed singledom. I’ve largely remained single and wish I hadn’t – simply to avoid the awkward why question. Don’t we all say pickiness and not stumbling upon the right one? Another excuse – witnessing dating turn offs. Too many dates have given me to reason to say no.
When I was in Paris, I had a brief fling with a handsome American (a night of passionate kissing). Aside his physical beauty, the American won praise instantaneously by not holding a light on my face ascribing pressure through intense interrogation. Our first five minutes of chat fixated on light-hearted sarcasm and general conversation. A male attempting to chat me up often asks:
What do I do?
Where do I live?
How long have I been single?
What’s my type…?
Strong questions to direct at a stranger. I hate feeling like I’m part of a selection process needing to surpass stage 2. Though that’s the equation behind dating. From online to clubs and bars; we have all the choice and miniscule contenders. Some people attempt to reach relationship status by treating potential dates as yes and no complexities. Thus, taking away the fun of initial connection. When a man approaches me – for dating or friendship, I don’t want to calculate love and worry about future couple goals. I want sparks, amusing talk and relaxation from both sides.
The Sun pulled together research on dating turn offs from online profiles. “Fake pouting” and “Being pictured with an ex” ranked high on no-no’s. What’s our worry about exes? One date from my past couldn’t stop pondering the qualities of my longest relationship and how he compared. Insecurity crumbled out his mouth and bridged a wall between us. First dates shouldn’t place such intricate worry on one another. It’s frightening enough trying to showcase our best qualities and not do something embarrassing. If humour isn’t a guy’s forte, nothing gets me more than intelligence and passion for a particular subject.
Dating turn offs – emotion
By emotion I mean speaking about sad and difficult experiences. One man who asked me out on a date, read me poetry he’d written at a funeral, followed me a flurry of sad lines. I pen painful poems yet wouldn’t perform my words to acquaintances. It’s awkward – if you don’t know someone well enough, you’re unsure about reactions. One date spent our meeting sharing their stresses and burdening their personality with sorrow. I think the way you approach topics sets the tone.
On dates where chemistry flames stronger than a Bunsen burner, you can speak about almost anything and it works when you’re focusing on relatability and opening up. If you’re using a date as a clutch to help your issues – where does that progress? I admit myself I’m no fairy-tale dater and require 5 minutes to shed my nerves. Still I want fairy-tale romance. I want a date who sweeps me off my feet by asking interesting questions and taking an interest in me. Equal to tearful emotion, dating turn offs include over complimenting my appearance.
Over attempting to flatter. I know it sounds a silly factor to mention – millennial snowflake anyone? If I’ve left a date and realise the guy has taken plenty of time to show admiration to my body and face, not taking notice of me, I’m suspicious. Maybe hints of cynicism cave my concern. Since trialling online dating, I’ve understood the ease both men and women feel to seek sex. Great if you’re after no string – nightmare if you genuinely want love to blossom.
Last night I watched Hitched on Netflix – Will Smith romcom playing a dating coach helping struggling men. When you hear Heavy D and The Boyz Now That We Found love, your mind glares back to the film’s ending. Celebrity Allegra falls for Smith’s “date doctor” client Albert, and not because he followed tips on seduction. Albert recklessly dances, spills food on his shirt and puckers a pout to kiss. Allegra adores his ‘cute’ blunders and succumbs to his innocent charm.
My favourite date involved meeting my ex for drinks, where he happily divulged shocking stories. With ease he admitted his life’s history and made no attempt to hide his character. His confidence and relaxation made us closer and him intriguing. Despite my dating turn offs, all’s forgiven in the name of self-assurance, intellect and gentleman charm. Providing they don’t brag, show rudeness to waiters and swell their tongue down my throat.
What are your dating turn offs? Do you have any great or terrible moments that you remember well from dating?