What do women want? A man at the top of the corporate ladder – most-likely possessing tough “toxic” traits? Playing the boss at work; teary in the evening due to stressful clients? Masculinity in society today is confusing. My blog unleashes frustration at feminine issues – things women have to face simply for being a woman. I wanted to write from an opposite standpoint, since women don’t always fall innocent in society problems.
Female driven publications tend to ignore their gender’s toxic femininity. Some women “support” female empowerment, still judging their gender for taking nude photos, not having kids, and not aiming to achieve #girboss status. I struggle to find online publications not featuring titles dedicated to male privilege.
Fancying traditional men
I realised how confusing masculinity in society today is, when I thought about my own desire for male dominance. I want a man to dominate in the bedroom; decide where we eat and how we spend our weekends. I’m not looking for full control – I’d never wish for a relationship where I’m not allowed an opinion. But I like Old Hollywood leading men – men who are a little rugged and typically masculine. Independent, assertive…
Women have power to also be these things – leaders, CEO’s. I think in freedom of choice, both genders should have the right to decide whether they want to become a stay at home parent (if having kids) or be the bread winner. On top of wanting a “manly” man, I equally like traditional gentleman manners. It’s nice when a date takes the lead and opens my taxi door and offers to pay on a first date. And judging by research, I’m not alone.
Psychology Today produced a piece asking why “women find sexist men appealing?” Studies report this true – some females want a man who’s willing to sacrifice for his family, taking top position in a crisis. I think many women detest sexual shaming, gender pay gaps and men who overall believe women are inferior. However, they do appreciate a man who can protect them if needed.
Read: Emotional Men: Do Women Fancy Them?
Do women want it all?
The Post Millennial has recently explored this topic. The writer Libby Emmons describes how women want “professionally successful”, “taller” men, who are additionally in touch with their emotions like a woman, able to remember flowers and arrange extravagant evenings. In short, they want the good qualities usually bestowed from typical masculinity, mixed in with new woke ideals. Libby noted how men aren’t celebrated for not achieving, but when they do succeed, the qualities that helped (such as competitiveness) are “demeaned”.
It’s puzzling. Apparently, marriage rates have declined in America because women can’t find men economically valuable. Reported by Inc, new studies reveal 71% of adults believe it’s important for a man to financially support a family. This means the majority of Americans support sexist relationship views. Something society echoes is wrong.
I want a guy who is emotional; willing to admit their feelings. Nonetheless, a man who feels insecure and wants to constantly talk about why their upset – that’s not attractive. Likewise, with women, friends who consistently moan about the same problems drain my energy. My best friend was a female, though easier to discuss period problems and makeup, I’m glad my BF is now male. We don’t compete against one another and there’s zero drama. I don’t think we’ve once had a serious argument.
Why masculinity in society today is confusing
Men and women shouldn’t have to conform. In an ideal world, either gender can wear whatever and choose a career considered masculine or feminine. The problem with traditional masculinity – it represents one type of guy. So, for every man not dreaming of a football career and not wanting to drink pints at their local pub, gender ideals brought question to their manliness. Men were made to feel wrong for taking interest in things like grooming. Debatably now, the roles have switched and stereotypical men feel ostracised for obeying masculine ideology.
An article from ABC, explains how some men feel their tarnished with the same brush; the media usually shames every male for female inequality. The piece further delves towards the men who are no longer sure what role they play in society. Previously, expectations were clear-cut. Men had to earn and women had to remain at home. Not only has this changed, the idea of a woman’s purpose has altered.
It’s more normal for women to object marriage and romantic partners. Though culture dictates women want commitment, many choose to live happily by themselves. A few require a man for nothing other than sex. Women are strongly finding a supportive voice through the media whereas men are told to cut their toxic behaviour.
Read: Love Doesn’t Need Marriage Anymore
How do we make masculinity in society today less confusing?
I’ll always champion women and discuss the issues they’re dealing with. There are many problems with how some men treat them. Just the same, it’s important to acknowledge the men who exemplify respect and support women rights.
To make masculinity in society today less confusing, we should stop trying to find labels for every attitude and opinion. We should continue to work on removing the sexism linked to what a man or woman can do. There’s no reason for a guy to feel any less then, as women are beginning to rival their success and reach the presidential status. Ultimately, I think we need to ensure everyone feels significant and empowered.
Interesting and refreshing to see something that’s not the constant male bashing we’re getting from the media, society, etc. So, thank you.
Here’s my take for whatever it’s worth. Times have indeed changed and the more society is wanting women to be more like men, and men to be more like women, no wonder people are confused. The lines are getting blurred. Being raised in a one parent household, I understand the plight of the single mother. She worked three jobs while I was also working from twelve years old through high school to help put food on the table. So, I get it. Slamming women just because they’re single mothers is messed up. After seventeen years of marriage, she had no choice but to leave.
I was the typical teenage boy. A lot of rough and tumble mixed in with some adolescent angst for good measure. I did and still do things that some might be consider, “toxic.” Things like lift weights, karate, boxing, drink whiskey, play and watch sports, and yes, love sexy women. But, the sexy woman should have some smarts. Nothing is more unattractive than a lack of intelligence. Do these things make me a bad guy in the eyes of feminists? I don’t know, but I live the way I do unapologetically.
I encourage everyone to live life as they see fit by being honest with themselves and not let society nor anyone else dictate how you should live. As long as you’re not breaking the law, being unethical, or hurting anyone, it really isn’t anybody’s business how you live. Embrace your femininity for what works for you as I embrace my masculinity for what works for me. Shaming from all sides doesn’t help anyone. That means the young vs the old, male vs female, overweight vs thin, right vs left, race vs other race, religion vs religion, etc., etc….
Have the courage to live with outcome independence and don’t care what others think, say, or do, and you’ll be fine.
Thank you for taking the time to read and share your thoughts. I see nothing wrong with boxing, whiskey, sports etc. for anyone who is interested. Toxic to me is more about a man or woman conforming to negative stereotypes within their gender that affect others. But like you say, it’s about doing what works for you and what doesn’t hurt anyone or break the law.
When I was researching this topic, I found an article that described how children are born without knowing what interests their gender like; it’s adults who say boys should behave like this and girls like that. So I’m not surprised some people grow up confused and wanting to break free from society restrictions.
I LOVED your last paragraph. While I definitely am all for people finding their identities, I do think all the labels almost make it more confusing and even divisive. Let people be people. We all have our own ideal partner. Wanting a guy to open doors isn’t a bad thing. Just like a woman wanting to be the breadwinner isn’t either. If it works for you. Do it. Who cares what society dictates. <3
Thank you! My sentiments exactly! We’re all different – why shame people who like old school manners? I think you can still be modern and independent while appreciating a door being held open. x
I totally agree with your stance on this topic. I actually feel that it’s not only masculinity that is confusing but femininity is equally as confusing in society nowadays. There are women who feel like they are feminists but they actually put down women in society in real life. I still feel like there is still so much competition among young women now. Masculinity is def the same way where men exert masculine traits but also do express their feminine side by supporting women rights or being able to express their feelings so openly. I think society is changing now and people have been adopting a new mindset about not having to adhere to sexism all the time. We should all accept that women can be leaders, dominate in the corporate world, etc. and show masculine traits just as men can also show feminine traits by expressing their feelings/emotions more. Just like you said, we def need to stop judging and putting labels on everyone’s attitude and opinions.
Love this post girl ❤️
That’s true – femininity is also confusing. And the stereotype of women gossiping and shaming other women has a lot of truth. I don’t know a woman who hasn’t experienced this.
We should just let people be who they want to be. In many ways I’m very girly but I also think I have masculine traits, probably like most people. Thank you for reading girl x
I love how relatable this is. I think the fact that where we stand with masculinity is so unclear makes it hard for anything to change. I know of a few guys (not personally) who unapologetically promote and support women’s rights on social media but actually sexually and physically abuse women behind closed doors. I personally know women who are all about feminism yet tolerate abusive men and talk down on other women. It’s all just a mess, it’s something I’ve given up on, l think we are just going to keep going around in circles with no progress and it makes me so sad
I imagine the guys who abuse women while promoting women’s rights on social media, are doing so to keep up appearances and create a fake image to the world. Maybe even to lure other women.
And I think many women pick and choose when feminism and girl power works for them. Some just want to support the women who share their views.
I can see us going around in circles as well. Maybe we’re just placing too much emphasis on gender and not enough on feelings.