It was dubbed “mommy porn”. Opened on trains, in staff canteens and potentially by your mother. 50 Shades of Grey had everyone talking. The international, Twilight sexual remake sold millions worldwide, explicitly detailing BDSM. Though argued a skewed version – many women don’t relate to Ana’s naïve persona, in the years since, the sexual taboo has infiltrated pop culture and made props like handcuffs seem vanilla. Is kinky sex what women really want, or is porn pushing women to say “oh…yes”?
Sexual fantasy, conventional sex and anal
Daily Mail sex columnist Tracey Cox suggests “porn is making men force women to try things they hate”. According to Tracey, “the average woman” doesn’t want painful pleasure, yet may feel pressured to try porn activities like: choking, face slapping, rough spanking and spontaneous anal sex. Once hidden fetish, many of these sex acts are encouraged in women magazines such as Cosmopolitan. T.V adverts from sex toy company Lovehoney reveal society’s more relaxed attitude to sexual experimentation.
Porn is helping to push women and men to step away from conventional missionary and delve deep in promiscuous desire. We’re celebrating a more liberated and freer attitude towards sex, removing some deviant erotica stigma. With an educated partner, I’ve enjoyed choking, spanking, handcuffs and blindfolds. Initially, choking happened without prior knowledge. Anal is currently off-limits, but that’s becoming prudish in porn’s anal pushing agenda.
Many porn videos make anal standard. A Vice article explains the complexities of anal sex in porn, noting how its popularity has led to “Anal Queens” – porn stars who specialise “almost exclusively”. The article primarily deciphers between adult actresses like Cherie DeVille (Vice interviewed) who prep, train and learn how to engage in the act well, against the average person who cluelessly agrees. Medical News Today describes possible risks, including skin injuries, infections and an increased chance of an STI.
Kinky sex risks can turn fatal. An Independent piece published earlier this year reports 22 UK women have died in the past decade from gone wrong sex games. Writer Rebecca Reid describes how the underground BDSM scene involved a community of rule players who understood safety and consent. Now mainstream, novices watching BDSM from a screen don’t always practice care. Speaking to women who have experimented, one told Ried she suffered a broken blood vessel after copying choking from a porn video.
Is porn pushing women?
Shared on my post: “Why Do People Accept Bad Sex?”, women suffer from an “orgasm gap” and many females report not feeling satisfied. Strange statistics for a sex obsessed society offering relentless publicity on “how to spice up your sex life”. Editorial tips often advise new sex positions that are frequently unusual. Because we’re getting more confident with sexual cravings, there’s a pressure I feel, to at least agree to doing something once.
Countless threesome guides target women – suggestions on how to address male partners wanting another woman in bed. And while stereotyping, two females and one male appears most common. Research does reveal women watch porn – many own up to it, but the industry majorly caters to heterosexual men. A 2016 Guardian article shared a 2010 analysis, stating 88% of scenes in the bestselling US adult videos involved physical aggression – men targeting violence at women.
Perhaps that’s why Pornhub research reveals “lesbian” is the highest viewed category for female viewers. Times of India says many “self-identified straight women” appreciate lesbian porn. The publication believes a reason for this is straight porn not feeling authentic; unrealistic expectations like instant orgasms. It’s easy to argue porn pushing women is true, when porn tends to showcase dominating men controlling obliging women.
Even the representation of women targets a Hollywood notion of male yearning. Big boobs and butt, small waist, long wavy hair and large hips. If teen girls grow up witnessing sex as them playing submissive, isn’t that affecting their coercion? If a guy asks for BDSM, would a teenage girl not feel she has to agree, as that’s what porn suggests women do? And for millennial women first brought up with internet porn, hasn’t this messaged equally affected them?
Read: Samantha Jones and Female Sexual Liberation
Liberation causing mixed messages
In the drive to promote sexual openness, the subliminal message: “This is normal, why not try this?” has echoed in dating and relationships. I’m past the archaic: men want more sex. We’re sexual creatures irrelevant of gender and we have different urges. Some women enjoy the male dominance in porn and some men dislike it. There’s nothing wrong with kinky sex (to a point), yet I believe porn is making many women feel pressure to look and perform a certain way. Possibly men as well who have girlfriends reading Cosmo.
Porn liberates lots of women – Hollywood stars Bella Thorne and former ‘Boy Meets World’ actress Maitland Ward have entered the industry. Female porn stars gain a higher salary than their male co-stars. And, some women watch more porn than men. With that said, unless directors begin to make films better suited for both genders, kinky sex will continue to look one-sided. I guarantee at least one woman reading this will have experience giving in to sexual pressure.
I loved your post, you speak so much truth babe
Serene XO
http://www.surrealserene.com
Thank you Serene! xxx
This is such a brave topic to write about!
I think you have a point especially when most things learnt are off the internet…we’re in the internet age after all and if next gens are going to learn about sex, it’s guaranteed to be from PornHub sadly. I do think however that people are aware that that’s not real sex or I hope so anyways. There is a fascination with watching such material though because it’s good to have something intangible and sex – especially if fantasy (think kinky outfits, ridiculous scenarios like being called daddy, pain pleasure etc. etc.) provides that sort of outlet. I have spoken to some men before about sex and the basic consensus that I’ve gathered is that they like a woman who can dominate in sex too and not just lie there. I found this really interesting and actually, I would argue that there are men out there who seek mutual pleasure so it might not be as one-sided as what porn portrays.
Similar to like social media, I think most people are aware porn isn’t real, but they can still make comparisons. Especially if a partner is always watching a particular type of girl or guy.
I think a woman can be submissive in sex, but still equally participate and do something other than lying still. I agree though that there are men who seek equal pleasure. Ideally, in real life it’s always equal, but I don’t think much porn shows that. Unless I’m just not aware.
it is great to see ladies discussing the subject. Speaking from my personal experience as submissive male over more than 20 years. I have seen a big change in women being more assertive being Doms. more than 10 years ago a Dom women will echo male views of how a FEMDOM should be, things slowly changing with women Doms coming with their own views of what should happen. Porn industry, while still mainly male focused, there are may femdom movies around and I know many of the Ladies I slaved for have learned from them
Thank you for sharing your experience. It’s good the industry is changing and more women are starting to come into their own and change the perception of a femdom. I imagine this will keep happening as time goes on.
You have me smiling Laura.
Whe it comes to sex, things have greatly changed. I can’t speak for other people’s experiences, but I have found women very open to suggestions and a few who were afraid to make their own suggestions (which is really quite pleasant to see a woman unfraid to discuss sex or her desires). I think it is healthy when a woman isn’t afraid to speak up. I find it refreshing.
Now, if women are changing because they feel “forced” or pressured, then it is a veery bad thing. I certainly hope that isn ‘t the case.
And I do believe the days of vanilla sex are gone.
Glad I made you smile Andrew.
I think it’s healthy as well when a woman communicates what she wants – likewise with men. It’s ultimately how two people get the sex they want.
I think there will be definitely be women out there who have felt pressured. I’ve had that experience before and it took me a while to gain the confidence.
Sometimes vanilla sex is good so hopefully not entirely gone 🙂