There’s an awkward stage in dating (well, there’s many), but one in particular with communication. At what point do you give up the initial obsession to text 24/7? Do couples need to talk every day – via phone, messaging, Skype, in person – or do we just believe it’s necessary for a healthy relationship?
From dating to commitment
The early stages of dating require lots of hints to show you’re serious. Ignore a date for too long and you’ll look like your playing games and keeping them on the side. During the dating app to first date stages, talking daily is ridiculously boring! It’s so tedious trying to chat to someone you’ve not yet met. And trying to stay interesting – how much detail about your life can you unravel to a stranger?
Once you’ve met (if sparks and hearts serenade), you enter the most amazing, butterfly jumping period. I’ve found myself at work before peering at my phone like a squirrel anticipating an acorn, waiting enthusiastically to see whether a guy agrees with my views on a film. I’ll press pause on my T.V and leave a friend hanging on the phone while I respond to a potential boyfriend.
If the dating develops to becoming a couple, one that falls in love, the bliss from chatting extends. You can’t wait to meet, read their words and hear their wondrous voice. But fast-forward a year and “Miss you” texts and random calls start to lose their sparkle. Which may be a personal thing, a sign I keep choosing the wrong people.
Texting ruining relationships
I once asked a work colleague how often she sees and talks to her partner. She said, “We spend every weekend together and we text most days.” Unexpectedly, she told me it was her partner who prefers to always conversate. My colleague could happily go a few days without speaking. When I shared this response with a friend, who couldn’t hide her shock, she queried: “Why would she want not want to talk every day?”
Isn’t the answer obvious, how much can two people say on text? When you’re not living together and when you’re not situated nearby (a reality for many modern couples), phones become vital for feeling connected. But relying on them each day you awake gets tiresome. As much as I love my close friends, I wouldn’t want to always message them individually, so why does that change for partners?
An article published last week on NBC, explains the negative effects of texting. Although the technology increases interactions, the quality declines. Most people I know depend on texts to maintain communication, especially when long-distance. Asking whether couples need to talk every day naturally links to whether we ought to text so much. As I mentioned on my ruthless mindset post, I had to recently defend myself for taking hours to respond to a date’s messages. Apparently, I overthink prior to sending.
Millennial couples need to talk every day
Was life better when you had to wait days and weeks to receive a letter, or hours for a phone call from your landline? With so much of the world digitally at our fingertips, perhaps instant gratification has got the better of us. We’ve lost relationship patience. In replacement, an addiction to analysing words and balancing the status of our love fate on the last message read.
Millennials are known for hating phone calls – myself included. Unless I know a person well, I hate the on the spot pressure to converse. One guy I was talking to took my number and sent me a WhatsApp voice note. Which is supposedly a new dating trend – screening matches before meeting. It’s the strangest thing, attempting to sound normal and relaxed while speaking in a silent room to my phone, out loud.
My sister listened to a podcast that talked about relationship role models. The podcast host reflected upon how little couples she finds inspirational. How many relationships do we look at and think, that’s what I want? I’ve never come across two people who have exemplified my idolised view of an ideal partnership. So basic questions on conversation are tough to answer because many of us don’t know what’s somewhat normal.
Is it simply about the communication itself?
Bustle published a piece on how long-lasting couples differ in communication compared to those who break up. The ultimate conclusion relies in equivalence. Rather than focusing on whether couples need to talk every day, significance should be placed on matching effort. If you’re someone who wants a partner to send good morning messages and share their work/life emotions daily, you’re likely find more happiness with someone who also feels the same.
Therefore, there’s no right or wrong answer – it merely depends on how content you feel. If you’re not getting enough from your relationship, it’s best to discuss with your other half in person. The worst option (at some point we’re guilty of committing), is going to friends for advice and then comparing their thoughts with yours. One relationship isn’t technically healthier than another, on the basis of chatting each day or only a handful of times a week.
Do couples need to talk every day – what are your thoughts? How long could you happily go not speaking to a partner, and how does that differ to not speaking with family or best friends?