Reader Interactions


  1. questionsfromateenager says

    THIS!!!! This spoke to me so much.

    A friend of mine told me a few months back that I am “too picky for your own good” and I sometimes still think about that comment now, months later. Oftentimes people will tell me that I simply need “to say yes more often” and “try new things more”… and I find myself wondering if this would truly change anything? It’s hard to explain, but I rely on my gut feeling when it comes to people. If I don’t feel a vibe and KNOW I am not going to feel it down the road, why would I waste my time?

    The thing is, I am not only picky when it comes to romantic relationships – I am just as picky when it comes to friendships. I have a small group of friends, always have, most likely always will. I have always been extremely cautious when it comes to choosing people I want to surround myself with because it takes a lot for me to trust someone. I am an INFJ personality type and in the INFJ descriptions you will often read that we go about finding friends as we would finding a soulmate. And that applies to me perfectly… with dating, it’s the exact same thing.

    Maybe that’s irrational or too picky, maybe that’s wishful thinking… but in the past, whenever I have found myself in a relationship, we would always have an extremely deep connection from the get-go. And it would be the most beautiful thing ever, because I felt so in-sync with the person. I truly felt as though they were my soulmate. And for that reason alone, I cannot help but wonder if being picky can also be a blessing – in moderation of course.

    • LauraJ says

      I read your comment and straight away did the personality test, turns out I’m a mediator. I thought I might have the same as you because I read your comment in absolute agreement.

      I’m picky when it comes to friends as well and I think that’s a sign of maturity. You know who you are and you know who is worth keeping in your life.

      It’s an amazing feeling when you think someone is your soulmate. But when I get this feeling, I try to push it aside so I don’t get too caught up. There’s a great benefit in being picky though; it stops you from compromising yourself.

  2. hoiyinli says

    “I’m bad at small talk and take weeks (weeks meaning months) to open up – it’s easier to get inside my body than inside my mind.” – I really related to this!! I think about a lot of things – hypothesise lots of things that could be to do with my daily life but also not at all. It could be totally random like how does x work, oh let’s find out. I’m not one for small talk either. In fact, the older I get, the less inclined I am for it – I’ve gotten more blunt in the past year and just rather not beat around the bush just to appease someone who I know isn’t even a friend for life let alone a lover for time.

    To be honest with you, I didn’t know how ‘picky’ I was until stumbling upon dating apps and having gone on a few first dates through them. I have always said that I don’t have a type and it’s true – I don’t. But there are instant traits that I’m turned off by for example so yes, I guess I’m picky but I also like to think it’s good that I know what I want in some respect.

    • LauraJ says

      That’s exactly where I’m at with online dating. Since joining, I’ve realised there’s certain traits that instantly put me off.
      One of my pet peeves is guys talking about nothing else but travel. I get that it’s an amazing thing, but a dating profile filled with nothing but lists of countries you’ve visited and sunsets doesn’t reveal much. And I’ve mentioned this because I notice it A LOT.
      Sometimes it feels like if you took one thing away from someone, they’d have nothing else to say. Also, some people try to write sarcasm or jokes and it just reads strange. And I don’t like profiles that say things like: “Don’t message if you’re doing dry January”. What traits or things turn you off?
      I don’t have a lot of time for small talk either. There’s only so many conversations I want to have on the weather.

      • hoiyinli says

        SO many people on dating apps looking for travel buddies too! I agree – I love traveling as much as the next person but I refuse to put it in my bio because it’s just so….generic and boring now. I also hate those bios that just doesn’t mean anything e.g. “What you see is what you get”, “Your mum will love me”, or “I don’t take myself too seriously” (classic!). Tell me something that’s interesting or funny! Having said that, I’m also not into the very serious bios.

        When presented with the question, I normally tell friends that I don’t have a type/don’t really believe in them. I guess you can say I am more into personality than looks. One thing I’ve noted is that I don’t like complainers. I remember once on date, a guy was taking me home in his car and he was complaining about the roads the whole way through (the lack of lines on them) and how in his country it’s not like that.

        • LauraJ says

          In theory, travel should be a bit of turn off on dating profiles. If a guy is constantly flying to places, it suggests a relationship would get complicated and become potentially long-distance. If mentioning travel, I prefer a guy to say something about one particular place, rather than listing where they’ve been. It’s like mentioning every restaurant you’ve visited instead of describing what food you like.

          Complainers are annoying! The guy I first met from the dating app chose to whinge about his work and living in London, where he’s privileged to live with his parents in a sought-after, central area. He sounded so spoilt and negative. And when it came to improving his situation, even then he was negative about his new job interviews.

          I can imagine you must have sat in that guy’s car just counting down until you were out!

          • hoiyinli says

            Yeah, I’m not into the whole “been to 27 countries, got x amount more to go”. Chances are, they might have only spent 2 days in some of those places which in theory is nothing.

            Haha I’m glad someone else agrees about the whole complainers situation. It’s not cute.

          • LauraJ says

            I know – since when did quantity take over quality in travel? Life is too short to spend every minute complaining 🙂