Reader Interactions


  1. LauraJ says

    Online dating is based on looks but it’s also based on similarity. Which I don’t necessarily seek in a relationship. I’ve found (something I’m thinking of now because your comments make me analyse further), most people want a person who has their same hobbies, same political beliefs, same food cravings..

    And it seems, when someone else comes along with more in common, they’ll then pursue that. This idea that you can find the most perfect person, keeps some people hooked on the app and trying to find them.

    I don’t go for looks in real life and yet online I’m focused on it. So I get your hesitation. There are great guys on there, it’s just finding them amongst the others.

  2. LauraJ says

    I really don’t like when a guy just stands in front of a mirror with his shirt off. Those types of gym selfies are a big no for me as well. I guess with online dating, you can’t really go off personality because written characteristics can be completely different in reality, so you’re stuck looking at physical traits. And height is an easy judgemental to focus on. Which is pretty unfortunate for short guys!

  3. The Style of Laura Jane says

    I think it’s such a common thing! After my first date from the app with a guy who spent the whole night complaining, I realised people just enjoy releasing their stress on new people. And I don’t even think it’s just online dating; some people in general use dates as a way to unravel what’s irritating them – rather than actually forming a connection. I’m glad we’ve both experienced this because it makes the situation a little better knowing it’s not just me and maybe bad date choices.

    I try not to take the likes too serious. I’m more appreciative if someone has taken the time to leave a comment. My issue isn’t that it feels unnatural, it’s the fact that you can have a handle of guys messaging you at one time wanting to meet, and you then have to somehow analyse and pick which ones to go on a date with, and which to just cut communication. And then in the process of that, trying to decipher whether to start a new convo with another guy who has clicked like. It’s choice overload with a small pool of potential you have to filter through. It’s kind of good we’re picky otherwise we’d be overwhelmed.

  4. Beyoutiful says

    Ah can so relate! I just started online dating and was dating a guy for the past 2 months and it was just meh like boring lol. I mean I’ve never dated before and this is my first time. He was really smart and a nice guy but I felt that he just wasn’t interested in connecting emotionally or intellectually. I tried to be charismatic and ask a lot of questions, showed I cared and remembered details (he was a good listener), etc but I felt that my efforts weren’t appreciated at all and he was just too guarded (he’s a bit shy). He was so focused on his wants/needs and didn’t care about what I needed/wanted. I felt like I was giving my all when I received very little in return. I made him comfortable and was trying not to have high expectations but he was just too judgemental about every thing I did that he didn’t really see the good traits of who I really was.

    I take online dating in a mature way and I try not to judge people because everyone has flaws and it’s important to truly connect and like them for who they are but I just don’t get that in return, hence I get judged. I still gave him a chance despite knowing that I wasn’t appreciated/loved but he just left saying that he didn’t feel the spark which I thought was immature because it really takes the time to get to know someone. I’m just so sick of showing love/care and being vulnerable to the wrong people, esp the men who are just emotionally unavailable. I’m def changing my mindset, setting clear boundaries, and guarding myself to make sure that I give my all to someone who truly deserves it.

    I would rather do something else than go back to online dating haha but I know there is the one there for me and just waiting for the right time. But yeah I hope people change their expectations and the way they view online dating and they actually take it seriously. Great post girl ❤️

    • LauraJ says

      Some people can’t grasp that relationships are a compromise and designed for two people. I’m not surprised you got bored if you felt you were the one putting in all the effort, with little return back. Sometimes on the app, you can go out of your way to think of interesting questions and get the most basic responses.

      Do you notice any patterns with the type of guys you like? Sometimes going for the complete opposite can work out really well. The guy may have been clueless on what he actually wanted. But either way, you seem better off without him. I wouldn’t guard yourself too much because you have a great personality to show, just maybe be on more alert?

      A friend of mine wants to go speed dating which I find quite nerve-wracking. There’s not a lot of other options out there. But I’d say keep trying with the apps and maybe look at some other ones. x

      • Beyoutiful says

        Haha yeah I guess I always tend to gravitate towards the guys that are nice but are totally emotionally unavailable. I always make the same mistake which annoys me but I’m def trying be more aware of what I deserve and being more alert. Thanks girl for the support, made me feel much better Hope things really work out for you as well

        • LauraJ says

          Thank you. I’m guilty to, easily falling for the emotionally unavailable men. It’s a relationship pattern that seems to follow me.

    • LauraJ says

      Thank you. I’m trying my hardest this week to look more at personality and characteristics than physical attributes.

  5. Cheila Belinda Martins says

    I met my husband online Seven years ago. We were actually embarrassed about it at the time. We immediately began dating, lived together for 5 years and got married last October. I know it sounds cliché but there is someone out there for you ❤️

    • LauraJ says

      That’s sweet! I think a decade ago, people did look at online dating differently and I had friends who would tell me to lie about how they met their partners, I’m glad that stigma has changed now. Congrats on your wedding! x

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