Reader Interactions


  1. hoiyinli says

    I don’t consider myself as a person who comes off strong. Well that’s a lie – maybe my first Tinder date but that was my first date in ages and also first off an app so I did not know what to expect which doubly built up nervous energy and unknown expectations. I was playfully flirty and confident but so was he so I guess it was mutual. Since then, I’ve learnt to be more natural and casual. Now that I’ve been on a couple of dates with different people (none more successful than the other although some were good dates whilst they lasted…), it’s actually not the first date that’s hard, it’s what happens after! In my (tinder) experience so far, the texting can slow down a lot after the first date. People have choices now and I guess…no one likes to put all their eggs in one basket, so to speak? (Obviously, you don’t, especially after one date but you get the gist.)

    I remember this guy (who I later discovered was a total player) was insanely good at texting at first: charming, witty, intelligent, super flirty, using an insane amount of emojis. After our first date, the texting was few and almost inexpressive (no emojis). It was like a whole different person. He was no longer as responsive and it made me feel crazy. It’d be a few days before he’d text me back. I remember calling him out on it and do you know what he said? That he’s not a good texter! It was insane to me but it’s this type of behaviour that gaslights women.

    My best advice is really just to be invested in getting to know someone first. Personality goes a long way and is still sexy. I’ve been told I appear as I am in person as I am in text and I’ve also been told that I’m refreshing because I’m honest and blunt. I’ve actually become quite a blunt person and a lot of men seem to respect this the most about me.

    • LauraJ says

      100% YES to what you have said – the first date is not even the big deal. It’s the second! Once the first date is out the way and a person knows you like them, they can easily slow down communication and relax. I’m convinced some people just enjoy the thrill of meeting new dates and seeing if they can win them over.

      I don’t like putting all my eggs in one basket but that’s because the disappointment hits harder if you pin everything on to one guy. If I’m chatting to a few, it doesn’t feel so bad if one chooses to move on.

      I’ve had the same scenario: charming, witty, flirty – ideal character at the beginning. only to soon change. Some guys are so aware of these great qualities that women want, they know how to use them to effect. I’m wary of men that use too many emojis.

      • hoiyinli says

        To continue the story a little bit…I tell my friend maybe a week or so after about this date and more specifically, that I’m on this dating app which is so unlike me. I start to describe him and before I finish, she asks if his name is ____ and if he’s ____ (in terms of his nationality). I’m like oh my god, yes!

        Turns out she had a first date with the exact same guy about a month prior to me and some moves were similar. For example, he did this thing to the both of us where he’d give a hug, hug longer than is natural and be like, “why are you so warm?”. Now that I think back, pretty unsettling. Oh and by freak nature, the guy literally texts my friend just BEFORE I tell her and she shows me. (Just to clarify, they only had the one date and my friend was like nah, not for me.) It was super weird but we just laughed it off.

        • LauraJ says

          Wow – the guy actually has a number of moves stored. Not quite sure why he does the hug thing. That would be really off-putting for me if it’s a guy I’ve just met.

          I’m assuming you’ve both ended communication with him now, and he’s on the next poor victim. He doesn’t sound like a good catch, so I can’t imagine too many girls wanting a relationship with him.