Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Meg says

    Living with regret and shame now..hooked up with a younger guy after being told i was old and repulsive by a coffee date earlier in the day.. This cute young guy was kind, caring and wanted to spend time with me. I had told him what happened.. so he knew i was vulnerable.. i knew it was a hook up and needed to feel good after feeling so awful…, this young guy brought weed with him.. convincing me to try it to chill me and relax me.. i did… later he took a (the) blue pill and said i should take it or half with him. I was so stoned i bloody did.. Anyway we had incredible sex but i said no repeatedly to certain acts .. he was persistent and i ended up giving in …. (god i sound so stupid writing this)… later on he asked if he could film me performing on him.. i said no.. as the night went on he asked again a few times… i ended up agreeing only if it was on my phone…. so he did…he cleverly ended up using his own phone too…. coercion? .. i don’t regret the sex so much as the whole exoeeirnce of being talked into doing the two things i didn’t want.. it sickens me… i messaged him the next day he sent a message to reassure me it was only for him.. but it’s out there.. out of my control … I doubt he would do anything with it.. but who knows? Regret so much and haven’t slept since… i go through waves of disgust and guilt and such stupidity.. to be taken advantage of but also to allow this to happen!

    • LauraJ says

      You don’t sound stupid at all. It’s actually a relatable scenario. It’s easy when you’re out of a situation, to look into it and think oh, why did I do this or why did I say yes to that. But in person, it’s very difficult.

      A few years ago, a guy took advantage of me in his apartment and I remember just staying silent and not really doing much – almost as though my body had froze. I felt a lot of anger about what happened until I came across a girl who also had the same thing happen to her with the same person (it’s a long story). Meeting her made me realise that guys who do this sort of thing are almost trained and experienced at knowing which buttons to push.

      The fact he bought drugs round and convinced you to try, plus the fact he pressured you into sexual acts says to me coercion. I would contact a helpline like Mind or even a police support website and see what advice they suggest.

      You have nothing to feel guilty, disgusted or stupid about. Feel free to DM me on Instagram or somewhere if you want to talk about it more. x

  2. thelonelyauthorblog says

    Provided you have a good time. I think that is the key. Both are supposed to climax. A good lover knows his partner (even if only for one night) needs to feel pleasure and orgasm, too. And both participants should be working to that one goal, happy ending for both.
    Hope you have a wonderful week.

    • LauraJ says

      Thank you for sharing your perspective Andrew. How has this week been for you?

      Unfortunately, not a lot of people know how to please (or care to please) their partner as well as themselves. Having a good time for me is the biggest thing. And I think that’s why I regret (not to the point where I feel anger or anything) the sex I had with a guy last year, because it was so boring and not enjoyable.

      • thelonelyauthorblog says

        It has been a good week. The island is on lockdown. So, all airports are closed. I am writing poetry under palm trees.

        I have no right to complain.
        Hope your has been good.