Reader Interactions


  1. Betty says

    I recently wrote to my childhood friend on FB. I hadn’t seen her for more than 40 years. I really just wanted to say hello and stay in touch occasionally online–slowly get to know each other again. But she immediately wanted my phone number and suggested that we get together. What’s more, she has a female partner who seems unhinged. She’s insanely jealous of me and started stalking me online. One day my son drove my van to do some errands, and a woman followed him all over town– we think it was her.

    I also learned that my old friend has BPD and goes into rages. Having suffered abuse from my mother who had BPD, I didn’t want to go there again. I regret that I sent that initial message, and I’m glad that I didn’t give out my phone number or address.

    I’ve had bad experiences with other old friends whom I tried to reconnect with on social media as well. I found they were not the friends I remembered from long ago. It was very hard to reconnect. I’ve come to the conclusion that we can’t go back. People change too much. The shared passion that once created the friendship often no longer exists.

    • LauraJ says

      Hi Betty,

      It’s a shame you haven’t had good experiences reconnecting with old friends. People do change and sometimes (perhaps more often than not) not in the way we hope or expect.

      At least with your friend who you have known for 40 years, you now know what she is like and you can close that chapter.

  2. Melina Elisa says

    While I’ve reconnected with acquaintances before, and close friends that I had in high school that I’ve drifted away from because we both went to college and didn’t keep in touch. There was one friend that our friendship ended for a few years because of a fight we had, and then we magically became friends again years later. I think that’s the only person I’ve let back into my life, because we just genuinely loved, respected and appreciated each other. Not only had we both grown from what made our friendship end, but we were both willing to put the past in the past, and just continue to grow together. With the exception of that one singular moment, I don’t think I would let any other ex-friends, especially ex-best-friends back into my life. Most of them have hurt me too badly, that I know I would never trust them the way I used to. This was a great post Laura, I related to you so much with your personal experience running into an old friend xx

    Melina |

    • LauraJ says

      Thank you Melina. That’s how I feel as well. There has been in most cases, too much upset to reconsider building anything again. But it is a great feeling when you have the odd person or people, who can come back and be friends. I’ve always loved the idea of staying friends with the same people and going through all these experiences together, but the older I get, the more unrealistic it sounds. It’s funny how in high school, you really believe in the whole best friends forever. xx

  3. Paolo B. says

    Didn’t know that part about the different type of friends. Very interesting. As for reconnecting I’d say it definitely depends. Haven’t done it much myself though.

    • LauraJ says

      I came across it for the first time as well when putting this post together. I have a lot of experience reconnecting – some good and some bad. Thank you Paolo for reading.

  4. LauraJ says

    I would rather people just be honest and say if they’re messaging for help. Otherwise it’s bad wifi heaven 🙂
    How a friendship ends makes a big difference. If a friend just moved away, it’s much nicer for them to reach out than if a friend was showing toxic signs.
    But overall yes, has to be better than an ex partner! x

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