Reader Interactions


  1. John says

    Guy here – sorry, but the opposite is true with me. I refuse to receive or give oral sex. I find it disgusting. If she insists on it, that’s a deal breaker. I’d rather never have sex again than put my mouth in a disgusting place where mouths don’t belong.

    • LauraJ says

      Oral sex is not for everyone and that’s okay. The main point of my article was to acknowledge the oral sex gap, whereby one partner demands it but then refuses to do the same in return.

  2. ConfusedWoman says

    Thanks a lot for this article! I thought I was wrong to think this was a dealbreaker. I already know the glory of oral orgasm, so I dont know that I can live without it. I could try, but I am añways going to want it 🙁

    • LauraJ says

      Everyone has their own ideas of what they’re willing to compromise on. And there is nothing wrong with you not wanting to go without something that makes you feel good 🙂

  3. Beck. says

    I’ve been with my guy for 3 years. He’s never once gave me any type of oral sex. Me on the other hand, have fulfilled all his fantasies he’s ever dreamed of. I have received oral sex before by someone else prior to him and it was amazing! Being with someone for so long and not them wanting to explore your body and explore all the other ways to get you off does start to feel one sided! Giving him oral sex isn’t even pleasurable anymore because I see his feet kicked back and his arms behind his head wishing it was that easy for me . I really wouldn’t mind having oral sex as an option for myself , I want to embrace my
    Femininity and I want him to explore that side of me.

    • LauraJ says

      Have you spoken to your guy before about him not giving you any type of oral sex? With it being so one-sided, I can understand the frustration of going out of your way to please him and then not having him make an effort to fulfil you back.

  4. Anonymous says

    Man here… I love—crave—going down on women. I also feel like I can nearly get off myself sometimes, but surely love knowing that I’m helping my partner feel so good, at least. However, since being in a longterm relationship, I’ve unfortunately learned that not all women enjoy doing this. My girlfriend really hasn’t given me a single bj, and it has definitely hurt my self-esteem, and I feel like my needs aren’t even on the back burner… Probably got head in most of my previous encounters, especially with any repeat partners, so this has been difficult. Not sure if I’m able to live without oral sex, but not sure if I can label this alone a dealbreaker.

    • LauraJ says


      That’s understandable. A relationship has many components – saying goodbye to someone because one area isn’t perfect doesn’t always make sense.

      Have you spoken to your partner about her feelings regarding her dislike or disinterest in giving head? She may have had some bad experiences in the past or she may not feel confident in performing the act.

      See if you can talk to her without putting pressure on. Asking directly “why don’t you give head” may make her defensive.

  5. Dining at theY says

    I absolutely love going down on my woman and the scents and tastes are party of the experience. But I’d say there’s also quite a few women who don’t want me to for whatever reason. If they only knew the pleasure it would bring.
    One last point though, guys make sure your mouth is clean before you do this. Last thing your girl needs is some uti from your tongue.

    • LauraJ says

      Yes, clean mouths should be a necessity! Perhaps some women have bad experiences or feel insecure/uncomfortable.

  6. Cody Osborne says

    What about the reverse. I love giving my gf head. I love pleasing her and making her feel good. But she doesn’t reciprocate. Ever. This makes pleasing her feel draining so I stopped, it felt too one sided. Is that a deal breaker? Or is it just one way?

    • LauraJ says

      It’s not one way. I would speak to your girlfriend about this and discuss how you feel it’s too one sided. Maybe her reason for not reciprocating can be communicated or resolved.
      For me, it is a deal breaker – consider if it is for you and if you can be satisfied without oral sex in your relationship.

  7. LauraJ says

    The weirdest part of that Vice article to me, was when he said women are more complicated to please, and so it’s just easier if he skips going down. I wonder if he has ever given a blowjob – where has he sourced his evidence?
    I know now, if a guy wasn’t willing to please me, I definitely wouldn’t be offering to satisfy them. Thank you Fiona for sharing your thoughts.

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