Reader Interactions


  1. Anonymous says

    Man here… I love—crave—going down on women. I also feel like I can nearly get off myself sometimes, but surely love knowing that I’m helping my partner feel so good, at least. However, since being in a longterm relationship, I’ve unfortunately learned that not all women enjoy doing this. My girlfriend really hasn’t given me a single bj, and it has definitely hurt my self-esteem, and I feel like my needs aren’t even on the back burner… Probably got head in most of my previous encounters, especially with any repeat partners, so this has been difficult. Not sure if I’m able to live without oral sex, but not sure if I can label this alone a dealbreaker.

    • LauraJ says


      That’s understandable. A relationship has many components – saying goodbye to someone because one area isn’t perfect doesn’t always make sense.

      Have you spoken to your partner about her feelings regarding her dislike or disinterest in giving head? She may have had some bad experiences in the past or she may not feel confident in performing the act.

      See if you can talk to her without putting pressure on. Asking directly “why don’t you give head” may make her defensive.

  2. Dining at theY says

    I absolutely love going down on my woman and the scents and tastes are party of the experience. But I’d say there’s also quite a few women who don’t want me to for whatever reason. If they only knew the pleasure it would bring.
    One last point though, guys make sure your mouth is clean before you do this. Last thing your girl needs is some uti from your tongue.

    • LauraJ says

      Yes, clean mouths should be a necessity! Perhaps some women have bad experiences or feel insecure/uncomfortable.

  3. Cody Osborne says

    What about the reverse. I love giving my gf head. I love pleasing her and making her feel good. But she doesn’t reciprocate. Ever. This makes pleasing her feel draining so I stopped, it felt too one sided. Is that a deal breaker? Or is it just one way?

    • LauraJ says

      It’s not one way. I would speak to your girlfriend about this and discuss how you feel it’s too one sided. Maybe her reason for not reciprocating can be communicated or resolved.
      For me, it is a deal breaker – consider if it is for you and if you can be satisfied without oral sex in your relationship.

  4. LauraJ says

    The weirdest part of that Vice article to me, was when he said women are more complicated to please, and so it’s just easier if he skips going down. I wonder if he has ever given a blowjob – where has he sourced his evidence?
    I know now, if a guy wasn’t willing to please me, I definitely wouldn’t be offering to satisfy them. Thank you Fiona for sharing your thoughts.

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