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  1. thelonelyauthorblog says

    Laura, I find that todays men in their 30s and 20s are confused by soceity’s changing standards. Sexy bad girls can be intimidating for these men. Can he handle her? Will his performance in bed compare to the other men he assumes she has had.
    Innocent is safe. Men tend to think that a lady who looks innocent has had limited experience and partners. These men like to hide behind the safety of not needing to compete with other men.

    • LauraJ says

      Exactly that – there is an assumption that a woman who dresses “innocently” has had limited experience, while a woman who shows more of her body is willing to sleep around.
      Some guys are intimidated and other guys like the control factor. It reminds me of my early twenties, when I was approached by dominating men who probably liked that I was quiet.

  2. stickysituation says

    This post is incredible, Laura. Love that you included a little history with the 19th century art, I didn’t know that!

    I am a quiet person by nature, people often perceive me as shy (which I can be, especially when I don’t know a person). So more often than not, I get put in the “cute” category. Which kind of irks me a little, though I am not entirely sure why? There is so much more to me than “cute”, I think that’s what bothers me the most. Because with “cute” comes the expectation that I am exactly the way the man perceives “cute”, so, little experience, shy, devoted, submissive… I am so tired of it. In the past, I was definitely made to feel guilty for having a certain amount of experience. I can still remember talking to someone I was seeing about it and him saying “oh… But you seemed so innocent and cute. I wasn’t expecting that”. All of a sudden, it was like the tone of the relationship changed. The guy who had been so attentive, so eager in getting to know me now saw me with different eyes. The shift was SO noticable. He started to become increasingly pushy, dropping hints (if you can even call them hints) – all he now wanted from me was sex.

    It seems like some men think there’s only two types of women – cute and sexy. I wish that more men would see beyond this duality and start complimenting women more based on their actual personality? For instance, someone I am seeing called me well-read yesterday and complimented me on my book recommendations. And I was thrilled. Believe it or not, this is rather rare (at least for me). Casual partners usually put me in the ‘sexy’ category, prospective partners looking for something serious will call me charming and cute, will tell me how their family would love me.

    Why can’t we be both? And more importantly, why can’t we be even more than both? Because we ARE all more than that. Neither “innocent”, nor “sexy” is a chracter trait. And I am so sick of being put immediately into a box based on something that has nothing to do with who I am as a person.

    • LauraJ says

      Thank you Fiona! I hate being called cute and I also hate adorable. I can be shy as well, and it’s annoying that people can assume the entire personality of a shy person. As though you’re automatically submissive and dainty.

      I’ve written a lot on my blog about this, also on the stereotypes of an experienced women. I just think some guys can’t handle a woman who doesn’t fit a straight and simple stereotype. It’s like the perceptions placed on Audrey and Marilyn – a woman is elegant or sexy.

      I can believe you when you say it’s a rarity for guys to compliment you on your personality and book recommendations etc. A lot of guys think a woman wants to be complimented mostly on her looks, and that she’s aiming for a guy to tell her how physically appealing she is. But it’s the best feeling when a man can go beyond that and pick up on internal traits and the little things that others may not notice.

I would love to read your thoughts!

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