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  1. Sonya Y says

    I’m almost 2yrs married. About 2 months into dating my husband I noticed that he was missing his top row of teeth. I was SHOCKED.but never mentioned. But I did ask myself if it was a deal breaker. I told myself no. He’s very well groomed, always smell good, great personality, we definitely had a connection. (Which is why I should’ve said something)
    When he speaks, it’s not obvious that he’s missing teeth. It wasn’t until after being married almost a year when I addressed it. I asked him what happened and he told me the story. He played baseball from his youth and even in college. His teeth were knocked out with a baseball. He has insurance but still very expensive. I think I’m more uncomfortable with it than he is. Especially, when we’re around others. I feel embarrassed for him. My husband is loud and animated when he talks, and I’m embarrassed when his gums show. And sometimes playfully he bites me and I can’t stand it!
    Recently my parents were visiting from out of town and I noticed that I hate for him to talk to much. He noticed and told me that I act funny when they’re around. I told him the truth and now he’s upset and wants a divorce because he says im ashamed. And I am little bit.

    How should I handle this? I know I should have addressed it before getting married. But it’s not a deal breakers I just want him to care about his missing teeth and work on fixing it.

    • LauraJ says

      Hi Sonya,

      I find we often project our own self-esteem and confidence issues on to our partners. For instance, if one partner places huge emphasis on social appearances, they often want who they’re with to do the same.
      This can be due to worrying about what other people think which may be linked to a lack of self-confidence.
      So my first question to you is how do you feel personally about your partner’s teeth. You mentioned it wasn’t a deal breaker but would you be okay with his teeth if others couldn’t notice they were missing?

      You say you feel embarrassed for him, but it sounds to me like you’re more embarrassed for yourself. It sounds like your partner is fine with how his teeth look.

      After your conversation, I imagine your partner is embarrassed. Perhaps find out how he really feels. Has he avoided doing anything because of the cost or does he feel it isn’t an issue.

  2. iza says

    my partner literally tresspassed someone’s property, then we had to walk to timmies and it was a bit of a walk, so he insisted that we go ask the people living on the same street, after we saw their bikes outside their house, we ring the door bell, then no one answers, i told my bf that we shouldnt take the bike, he took one and asked me to join him and said we’d be back in no time, its. not a big deal, then the people saw us taking the bike followed us, yelled at us, and asked us to give their ride back and if it happens again they’ll report us, i felt so embarrassed omg! and then we were walking back he decided to tresspass and i followed him, the women saw us and yelled at us, i am new to the area, so idk my way around or anything, and its his neighborhood so he knows! i know i shouldnt have followed him, but he says that he doesnt care what ppl think, i told him we have ro respect the societies and follow the rules. it doesnt matter what we think, everyone thinks differently, perceive differently, we should be more considerate.i have to explain common sense stuff to him. he is so embarrassing but idk whether i should break up with over this, i am so confused.

    • LauraJ says

      In relationships, it’s important to have the same values as your partner. Can you be happy with someone who doesn’t hold the same morals as you? From a personal perspective, I wouldn’t want to date someone who steals or trespasses. Not only does this make me question his character, it’s potentially putting you in a compromising situation where you can be reported with him. There is a difference between not caring about what people think, and respecting the law and peoples personal possessions.
      It is not your job to explain ‘common sense stuff’ to him. Really ask yourself if his beliefs match up to yours and if he seems like the type of person you think you are compatible with.

  3. crystalsandcurls says

    This is an interesting conundrum! I live in a kind if suspended reality over here in Aus where my lifelong friends and family are all back home, so all my friends here have known me and my partner together pretty much as long as they’ve known me! The only time I’ve ever really been embarrassed by my partner is when he gets super drunk and that’s just a “get in the damn uber” job haha xx

    • LauraJ says

      I’d rather be embarrassed by someone’s behaviour when they’re drunk instead of sober. Because at least then the alcohol forms an excuse. I’m sure I’ve embarrassed a partner before after drinking. xx