One minute, you’re racing to the bedroom, unable to control your excitement. The next, you’re folding your clothes neatly on a chair before placing yourself in your go-to orgasm position. It happens… sex can become routine. It can also become expensive. By the time you’ve split dinner, drinks, taxi, (plus a new outfit if you’ve planned a rare date night), you can spend a small fortune than adding a sexy negligee, silk lingerie or a fancy toy. Before breaking your bank balance, here’s 9 affordable ways to spice up your sex life.
1. Add new scents
As an article on The Healthy states, ‘touch and sight’ usually ‘get all the attention in the bedroom’. Why not play around with another sense? If a guy chooses an aftershave with a smell I love, I can’t help feeling more turned on. Rather than buying an expensive perfume, consider a scented body lotion and/or candle.
Shearer Candles Amber Noir both looks and smells sexy. It mixes romantic violet with rich tuberose. For some, the smell of fresh linen itself can be very arousing. What beats lying down on a freshly cleaned bed? Revival’s Fresh Linen Candle is vegan, cruelty-free and hand poured in the UK. Nest Fragrances Linen is the perfect USA handmade alternative.
For a sultry body smell, a friend of mine raves about the Victoria’s Secret Eau So Sexy Body Lotion.
2. Put your sexual requests in a box
Write down your wants on a piece of paper, fold them up and then put them in a box. Throughout the week/s, at spontaneous moments, you can take out one of the requests to try. To make things fairer, you could put separate boxes together and take it in turns. You can include anything from a back massage, a new sex position, a unique sex location, a role-play fantasy, a particular type of porn to watch, to even being slowly kissed all the way down your body.
3. Take charge with BDSM accessories
Since 50 Shades perhaps, certain BDSM items no longer seem as thrilling or rare. However, it’s what you do with the items that makes the difference. If you’re someone who tends to stick to acting as just submissive or dominant, immediately spice up your sex life by switching roles. When dominating, you can tease your partner with a no touch rule. Slowly unravel your clothes as you touch yourself while staring directly at them. Then create a list of directions from having them stand up to be spanked (ask for permission beforehand), taking them to a new location while blindfolded, to using ice, a chilled drink, wax, cream or hot (not boiling!) chocolate.
Accessories to consider:
4. Mix masturbation with anal
According to a 2017 Metro piece, ‘25% of straight women’ in the UK have anal sex on a monthly basis. For some, the thought of going near the butt is equivalent to… well, something gross. Like eating used chewing gum from the floor. And that’s okay (the not going near the butt bit). If you’re someone curious to experiment with anal or if you’re already seasoned, mixing masturbation works a treat.
Self-pleasure will help keep you relaxed. For beginners, it’s always important to note: Lube is your best friend! You or your partner can start by gently massaging lube, followed by placing a finger inside slowly. While some pain is to be expected, be mindful and take your time. It’s something you have to work up towards.
Another helpful tip to introduce yourself to anal sex: Butt plugs.
5. Try Edible Lube
Regardless of whether you’re dealing with a Cardi B WAP, lube makes everything go smoother. As mentioned earlier, most people rely on sight and touch, ignoring taste and smell. By including a flavoured lubrication to your routine, you can gain more pleasure from putting your fingers in your partner’s mouth, enjoying oral as well as using the lube during a hand massage.
6. Purposely hold off sex
If you’re in a relationship and haven’t had sex in a while, or if you’ve become comfortable with a routine, the thought of having to spice up your sex life may seem like unwanted pressure. Suddenly you now have to step out your comfort zone and find time to act kinkier. How about making a point of holding off from sex for a week?
During that time, express your fantasies, describe what you want to happen, take racy photos, wear revealing clothes to bed, make your kisses more passionate. You’ll spend a week turned on, wanting more than ever to touch your partner but feeling unable. By the time the week is up, you’ll be really ready to get hot and steamy.
7. Read a sexual pleasure guide
What’s more romantic? Tirelessly scrolling the internet for new sex positions, screenshotting them and placing in a new folder, or buying a book which you can look through together while cuddled in bed? With a book, you can take turns to choose positions and learn new practices such as tantric sex. You also have the option of leaving notes after with tips on what to edit.
8. Write romantic notes
Admiring your partner is a huge turn-on. We naturally want to have sex with individuals who make us feel good and who we feel good about. You go on a date with someone, you laugh, kiss, enjoy each other’s company, and then you picture the bedroom… somewhere within the first few weeks. When you’ve been dating long-term, you can forget to keep up with compliments and sweet gestures.
When your partner’s commuting to work, perhaps send them a message, listing the 10 best things you love about them. As they’re in the shower, you can leave a small note by their aftershave/perfume, letting them know how good they look. You can also write down reminders such as: Thank you again for taking the time to make my favourite dinner last week. I really appreciate you.
9. Put together role-play
Role-play can release your biggest inhibitions. I suggest talking to your role-play partner first, asking what their fantasies are, how far they’re willing to go and if there’s anything they don’t want to do. For instance, if you’re dominating them, they may not want to be choked, spanked, blindfolded, etc,. Make clear what you’re both consenting too. As an article on Nooky Box advises, it’s important to have safe words. Make sure these are obvious and easy to remember.
When that’s finalised and you have a character in your head, think about how you can play them. What would they be doing at the time of your role-play? Are they in the middle of their shift, in full uniform ready to take a break or get to work, or are they now at home, wearing half their uniform with their hair tangled and their shirt a little dirty?
To get into your character, research the tasks they perform. For example, let’s say I’m playing a policewoman. I’m wearing an affordable police costume hat with a black shirt and skirt. I’ve got a badge stuck to me. And I’m about to arrest my partner. I’m going to learn exactly what to say when cautioning someone, I’m going to learn some terminology. It’s the same if I’m playing a waitress at a bar. I’ll learn the correct way to carry drinks, a few suggestions on drink recommendations. Anything that makes me feel more like the character and less like myself.
If it feels daunting, you might want to work on playing your alter ego.
For more tips on how to spice up your sex life, check out my post: How to be More Active in Bed as a Woman