If two people are truly right for each other, can time break them apart? I asked my friend *Isabelle* who said, ‘Right person wrong time is my go-to breakup excuse’.
Telling a guy, I’m ‘not quite ready’ was how I too, used to politely end communication. Sometimes I’d write a mini essay on Hinge explaining how starting to date again has suddenly aroused lingering feelings for my ex.
Truthfully, the notion of time impacting love is something my dreamy self has long imagined. Especially since I’m in a relationship with a guy I once fancied in school. As teenagers, we were totally incompatible and would never have survived dating. But as adults, I’m in a lovey dovey euphoria where it feels implausible to think we’re anything less than destined.
Time and true love
Have you ever ended a relationship due to outside circumstances, or stopped yourself from pursuing a crush?
You might have decided you didn’t want to mix business and work, or after a recent breakup, you felt you weren’t ready to start something new. While ‘love conquers all’ soothes my romantic idealism, time like everything else, influences love.
To be in the relationship I’m in today, it’s taken lots of self-work and awareness. I was once a terrible person to date – I’d have driven my boyfriend mad with all the worries and insecurities that plagued my restless mind. I had to overcome personal issues (like most of us navigating our twenties) to open myself up enough to show my vulnerabilities and let another person in. Part of why we work as a couple is because we’re both in the same emotional phase.
I can’t deny time has played a part. In Sex and the City, it took Carrie and Big many years before they were both ready for one another. It happens – both in fiction and real life. When our ‘lights are on’ or when we want to move out of singledom, I believe we naturally or subconsciously react and respond differently to potential suitors.
When a friend broke up with her partner, we joked about her new ‘resting bitch face’. This look that said, Please don’t approach me, I’m not even going to try to smile or interact with you.’ It was obvious she wasn’t about to take a guy’s no. anytime soon. On the other hand, I had an old friend who couldn’t wait to be in a relationship – she quickly ended up with a man who repeatedly showed signs of non-commitment – being with the wrong person seemed to outweigh being single.
However you want to look at it, time plays a major part in our relationships. It can put our perfect person out of reach.
But here’s why we shouldn’t really believe in right person wrong time
Ultimately, the right person can be with you now. They’re not someone who would be great in five years; someone who would marry you if it wasn’t for such and such. Otherwise, when does it stop?
Using time as an excuse is like trying to justify a rubbish partner. It’s like when a friend tries to reason that they should ignore certain red flags as they’re date is SO funny and amazing.
It’s a notion that may halt your efforts to move on. I used to date a guy who I kept telling myself, would one day wake up and change. After all, we were good for each other, so my naïve brain thought. It turned out I was just afraid to leave and be alone.
As Mind Body Green says, ‘meeting the right person at the wrong time is the expression of desire in its highest form. It’s intoxicating, but true love takes two people who believe the relationship is worth working on together.’
If you’re currently in this position (not knowing what to do), really consider what you value in a relationship. If someone doesn’t want to exclusively commit, for instance, and you do, what good are all the other qualities? It’s easy to fool yourself into thinking someone will change one day – if you hold on, things will eventually work out. Is it worth putting your life on hold for such a small possibility?
It’s difficult to walk-away from ‘almost’ perfect (well, as perfect as anyone can realistically be). As one of my favourite Brandy songs notes, ‘Almost doesn’t count’.
Besides, for the romantics out there, if things are meant to be, the right time will happen. Just look at Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. If you’re facing this love life dilemma, I suggest focusing on yourself, slowly taking steps to let go.