You’re always going to change after a breakup: the choice becomes whether you improve or succumb to heartbreak and its painful effects. Some people run towards comfort – often embracing a short-term fling to plaster their newfound loneliness. Others search for ways to bring back their ex. But the healthiest option and the one I want to share is how to glow up after a breakup.
A few years ago, I ended a brief affair (one of many failed relationships in my twenties) and decided to make a change. Not only was I going to stop choosing the wrong men, but I was also going to stop depending on successful guys to help define my self-worth.
I changed my image (cut my hair and got in shape), switched my site from lifestyle to a dating & relationship blog, focused on my career and ended up finding someone worth being with. To bring about such transformation, I worked on improving my thoughts.
Why do people glow after a breakup?
When you break up with someone, you don’t just lose the person. All your plans and dreams are washed away, along with family dinners and nights out with their friends. A whole half of your life disappears. The pain and emotion that stems from this loss can feel mentally exhausting – to the point where you start to feel fed up with feeling sad.
The desire to be happy again leads many of us to want to transform post-breakup. Sure, there is probably a part of us that wants our exes to regret leaving as well as prove that we’re better off without them. But we all want to feel good again. We want our stories to go from breakup to glow up.
1.) I had to figure out what I missed most
Even bad relationships have their good parts. In the past, whenever I stopped seeing someone (even if that included casual dating), I hated losing affection and comfort. Having someone check up on me midday, tell me that I look beautiful, invite me to dinner on a Friday night.
There is a lot of comfort in knowing someone is there to pick you up when you’re feeling low. I realised when I was single, I hadn’t ever learnt how to do this for myself.
To glow up after a breakup, you must figure out these weak spots. What parts of your ex do you miss the most?
2.) I also had to learn why I fancied the wrong men
I tended to go for guys who could boost my esteem as opposed to ones I genuinely wanted to learn and grow with. This created a huge imbalance – an instability which no healthy relationship can build upon.
When it comes to your exes, do you tend to go for the wrong people? Do you get bored after a few months, or keep falling for free-spirited souls that have no intention to commit? The people we choose to date say a lot about us.
3.) With this information, I started to fill in the blanks
I paid a lot of attention to my self-esteem. I felt insecure about my career as a writer and decided to invest more time in finding good clients and achieving my goals. I forced myself to take scary risks, such as writing a poetry book – something I wouldn’t have pursued before.
I began journalling all my successes and gave myself daily compliments – filling in for the exes who usually sang my praises.
One of the best ways to glow up is to look at your current self and then your future dream self. Write down what is missing. Being single has many benefits, including the opportunity to fully advance yourself.
That could mean going on more adventures, finding new meals and hobbies to fill your weekends, or having more fun with your friends. After my last breakup, I had all this additional time to spend on the Style of Laura Jane which led to amazing collaborations.
4.) Of course, there is the physical glow up
One of the easiest ways to incite change is to physically do something different. Whenever I feel a bit rubbish, I put on some lipstick or style my hair – such a simple thing can instantly boost my mood.
So, you don’t have to cut off all your hair or completely change your wardrobe. But you can use your breakup as an excuse to take stock. Remove clothes that no longer make you feel good or invest in quality books that can lead you to have new trains of thought.
I decided to get in shape because my lack of fitness made me feel inadequate. I went from dancing weekly as a child to struggling to perform a squat or even a jog with my sister – watching a much older couple overtake me was a sign I needed to work out.
My mantra is slow and steady wins the race (unless I’ve spent a week eating chocolate and need a sharp overhaul). Each week, I slowly increased my exercise and began lifting the tiniest dumbbells I could find. I then swapped my meals with healthier substitutes.
5.) Make future plans
In a relationship, you’re constantly thinking about the future. It’s an optimistic way of living your life – looking ahead, knowing you’ve got something to look forward to. Whether that’s moving in together, getting married and having kids, or travelling around the world.
Individually, we don’t always plan with our future selves. Sure, we have career goals and overall life ambitions, but we don’t necessarily look forward to future progression. I used to picture my future life as being something – a wife, mother, CEO. I didn’t think about me living at my optimum – my glow-up self if you will.
Future plans are not just about scheduling dates with friends and family. It’s about planning your own excitement without needing someone to be there on the ride with you.
6.) How to glow up after a breakup
A breakup can bring you down to your knees, but a glow-up can take you even higher than you started. It’s not just about updating your wardrobe and cutting your hair (although that can be a good start).
People look better when they’ve truly taken themselves on a transformation. When they figure out how to stop the sadness and transition to joy and optimism. Don’t waste time checking your exes’ social media and don’t make this whole transition about them. Instead, change your thoughts by creating positive action – that is the secret to glow up after a breakup.