There’s nothing like first locking lips. It’s the moment you confirm you want to rip each other’s clothes off or schedule an Uber home. One bad experience causes instant ick, while an intense make out session turns you into a goofy romantic.
The French kiss is everything in the early stages. With all its passion and significance, why do couples stop French kissing?
Several studies show that long-term couples barely kiss — with or without tongues. Mel Magazine highlighted a study that ‘found one of every five couples’ can go a whole week without a single kiss. Out of the couples that do still kiss, only 40 percent kiss for longer than five seconds.
Why do people kiss with tongue?
Scientists don’t have a conclusive reason for why people kiss, but there are many theories. According to Healthline, some experts believe we kiss because it increases oxytocin — the feel good ‘love hormone’. Others believe it’s to assess a potential mate. There is also research that suggests men kiss to introduce sex hormones to make a woman more sexually open.
In my teens, snogging was like a sexual get out of jail free card. I could feel desirable and cool without being judged. Today, kissing has become an intimate and somewhat sacred act.
Some people can sleep with anyone and have an amazing experience. But with kissing, you can’t feel too much excitement for someone you don’t desire. While the urge to make out with Dan, my boyfriend, can stem from horniness, it also develops from looking at him and feeling lust — wanting to be close to a guy I find incredibly hot. If many long-term couples aren’t French kissing, have they lost the longing for sexual intimacy?
Why do couples stop French kissing?
An article on Prevention looks at why married couples give up French kissing — an act linked to the French despite the earliest references to kissing stemming from Indian texts such as the Kama Sutra.
The publication mentions a lack of time and energy and the natural changing of a relationship as reasons why we stop. French kissing is initially required to show your sexual desire but there is no longer a necessity to prove your attraction in long-term relationships.
I believe most couples give up kissing because they no longer feel sexually attracted to their partners. People accept a decline in passion as a natural relationship transition without exploring ways to reignite chemistry.
The cliché can ring true — you stop going on dates and spending quality time together which leads to routine sex. You’re so busy in your day-to-day that spending time with your partner becomes another chore. You end up having sex a couple of times a week to prove your connection without building real intimacy — the kind that French kissing requires.
Here’s why we need more French kissing
Dr. John Gottman encourages couples to hold a six second kiss on a regular basis. Amongst the many benefits, it can ‘boost fondness and admiration’, ‘build a ritual of connection’, and ‘create physical touch’.
When couples aren’t willing to share tongues, it suggests underlying issues between them. Besides low sexual interest, there could be grudges, resentment, a lack of communication. Some people link snogging to sex so may avoid kissing to not turn their partner on. Of course, there’s also poor oral hygiene.
Couples that frequently commit to French kissing may benefit from more sexual chemistry and openness. If you’re willing to make out, it’s a positive sign you’re both satisfied enough to share a deep level of physical intimacy. If you’re kissing weekly and then notice a sudden drop, you’ll be able to tell something is wrong.
Snogging shouldn’t be a mere ritual before sex. Although I’m not the biggest fan of PDA, I appreciate a spontaneous kiss in a park or when walking down the street (preferably, a quiet one). The key is to hold the kiss for at least six seconds.
A snog, unlike a peck or a smooch, proves you’re finding space to invest in your relationship. It’s much more romantic than a routine quick kiss on the lips. But if you haven’t made out in a while, it may take some time to gradually build up to that place.
What are your thoughts on why couples stop French kissing?
Read next: How to Kiss Well: Stories, Tips, Techniques