In this week’s Dear Laura column, I help a guy decide whether to stay in his relationship. If you’re looking for advice on your own love life queries, send me an anonymous message or contact me via Instagram.
Dear Laura,
I need some help with me and my girlfriend. Basically, at the start it was all fun, but as soon as we put a label on it and became boyfriend and girlfriend, I’ve gradually missed talking to other girls, the thrill of going out to parties and flirting, going out with the lads etc.,
But at the same time, I like doing relationship stuff like sleeping round her house and going to the cinema. I don’t know whether to break up with her or stay. I feel like if I stay, I’ll lose out on childhood and messing about at parties and clubs. But then again if I leave, I feel like I’ve thrown someone so good away, because there’s genuinely not a flaw in her.
From anonymous.
Dear anonymous,
I’m not surprised you’re confused. Your thinking is so black-and-white that error is impossible.
You give up on the perfect girlfriend without flaws. You may spend your life regretting it and never meeting anyone similar.
Or
You commit to your girlfriend but miss out on being young and having fun. You’ll never again experience the thrill of flirting and messing about at parties.
What about switching this around and comparing two positive situations? You could stay with your girlfriend and have the best relationship that fulfils you more than random nights. Or, you may break up, have fun and meet someone more compatible.
Before deciding, try to steer your thoughts away from worst-case scenarios. There is pressure to do certain things at a certain age, but many people live happily without following these so-called rules. I know men and women who go out, flirt and mess about far beyond their twenties. In fact, I once was on a date with a guy in his thirties who spent every summer partying in Ibiza.
So, there is time to party and flirt and enjoy being in a relationship. It sounds like you have several years ahead of you to be a young guy out having fun. Which also means you have countless years to find another ideal girlfriend.
If you let go of the pressure to either settle or have fun, you can focus your attention on what really matters: your girlfriend. You ultimately must decide if she’s worth investing in. How much do you enjoy her company? Put aside how ‘good’ and flawless she is and consider your genuine feelings.
Flirting boosts self-esteem and adrenaline. It’s like a mini high you enjoyed on a regular basis. It’s normal to miss this feeling, but your desire to flirt may suggest your relationship lacks fun. Have you switched from constantly being out to being mostly at home or at the cinema? Maybe you need more balance — perhaps swapping cinema dates for parties together.
Rather than thinking about the pros and cons of a girlfriend, decide how you feel about her. Remember that you’re young and not yet engaged – you have time to either keep dating and see if you can get back to having fun, or call it quits and see how you feel.
Have you been in a similar situation? If so, did you decide to stay or leave? Here are some of my previous columns:
How do I Text My Old High School Crush?
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