In hindsight, you notice the red flags. The unattractive cologne, the overconfidence; the clumsiness in ordering drinks. The worst sex I had was with a guy who told me he knew he’d end up with me. It sounded charming at the time – he told his friend he would get my number because I was the most beautiful woman in the club.
Of course, he probably just muttered ‘I was fit’, but it’s nice to believe his pickup line. Besides the cockiness and cheesiness of his chat, he was determined to impress – booking a last-minute meal at an upscale restaurant. If that wasn’t warning enough, his strong opinions offered no openness.
He’s the type of guy to have one bad experience in a city and then decide that the whole country is not worth visiting.
Perhaps I’m too harsh to judge and associate personality traits with bad sex. However, his arrogance and false assurance in the club matched his egotistic and painful performance in bed. I could tell he thought it was good – despite zero attempts to figure out my turn-ons.
There are strange theories and research that supposedly reveal if someone will be good in bed. Those who are adventurous, for example, may opt for coffee ice-cream. There is also a belief that dancers make the best sexual partners, as well as the star signs Libra, Scorpio and Leo – I am a Leo, so I choose to believe this.
I had a conversation with a friend about what makes someone a fantastic sexual partner. Initially, we both said confidence — but I thought about a guy I met who lost all his self-assurance and ease once we entered his bedroom.
The obvious answer is chemistry — two people with a sexual spark will naturally have wild intimacy together. But again, does chemistry always transcend sexually?
With a dose of light-heartedness, I’ve used my experience and those of friends to put together this guide on the signs someone will be good in bed. Let me know if you agree or have other points to add.
They can laugh at themselves
Despite what Hollywood wants us to believe, sex is messy and sometimes awkward. A person who doesn’t take themselves too seriously and laughs at their mistakes can embrace strange noises and facial expressions. They may also be less offended and upset if you suggest switching up what they’re doing.
They show curiosity
A positive sign that someone isn’t selfish in bed is if they care about your perspective. It’s so off-putting when a person instantly wants to argue or ignore your point – how can they adapt in bed if they can’t handle a different outlook?
They don’t people-please
When people say women don’t like nice guys, the truth is they don’t like people-pleasers. Agreeing to everything only makes it seem like you don’t have an opinion. Great sex requires two people to communicate and offer suggestions. Otherwise, you’re doing all the work and wondering if it’s worth it.
They don’t come across as overly confident
From experience, the cocky guys who walk around as if they’re Brad Pitt from the early 2000s have zero skill. Especially if they talk about how amazing they are in bed. This leads to my next point.
They don’t brag
Bragging is a sign of insecurity. You can tell when someone brags when they share information you didn’t ask for. As an example, you ask, ‘Did you have a nice holiday?’ and they respond by telling you how much money they spent. The need to brag and oversell yourself rarely transitions well into the bedroom.
Like a waiter who notices your drink needs topping up, an excellent lover is a step ahead. They notice when you’re losing interest in a conversation, or if they’ve started doing most of the talking.
They avoid the cheesy ‘My house is around the corner’ talk
I’ve been on a few online dates where this line randomly crops up at the end of a meal. I refuse to believe a wild lover would ask about sex in this way.
They look comfortable around you
They relax their body posture – without mansplaining – and don’t rush to fill silent gaps. Together, you can discuss many topics and dive deep without fear of judgment or disgust.
They pick up on your body language
Before I extend this point, I must make clear that body language alone is not consent – it’s risky to make that assumption. But body language can show respect for boundaries. It’s also a way to check-in on consent. For instance, does your date slowly lean closer and see how you respond, or do they just step into your personal space with no consideration?
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